Dazed and Confused
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Dazed and Confused
| Sat, 04-10-2004 - 3:20am |
my boyfriend and i have been broken up now for 3 months after being together for 3.5 years because of him not wanting to maintain a relationship at this moment (we're both seniors in college). According to him, he wants to just enjoy the last few months of college before really handling serious issues such as being in a committed relationship as well him trying to find himself.i try asking him what he wants and he says that he wants so much from me but right now it's unfair to start anything because of some trust issues, him breaking my trust (him lying to me and not being honest about his feelings for this girl that he liked)as well as the timing. he said that the reason why he didnt tell me about the girl was that he was not only scared but he wasnt really quite sure about his feelings for her...she's totally opposite i am. she's very bad...smokes marijuana, drinks everyday and a total flirt. now that when he thinks about her he says that it was just a mistake. anyways, when he was on spring break he and i became intimate again, and now i am finding myself seeming to start from the begining of the break up...a bit jealous and hurt when he "crashes" at this one girls house(the one that he had a crush on) after a party. the last thing i want to do is reattach myself to him again or give myself a false sense of hope. my intuition is saying just let go, that he needs to do this for himself and myself as well or else we wouldn't be broken up. my question is what is your opinion on the situation and when do guys actually start figuring what and when they want and dont want from a relationship? and how do you fully move on from your first love? are there really second chances and what is the likelihood of that happening? thank you sooo much for the advice!

i might not be able to answer all of your questions but would like to share my thoughts and experience -hopefully it will shed some light or just make you feel better
i can totally relate to your story -i broke up with my 1stlove many months ago but only last week i had "closure" when i realized that there's no point in hoping that one day he'll come back feeling guilt and pleading i take him back, that it's impossible to move on when i constantly remind myself about how great we were together and keep all his letters, pictures, etc in a hand reach. i also realized that some things in life are meant to be and it's good that we broke up now rather than later when we are married with kids. i realized that if he truly loved me he'd never hurt me that much and that i don't want to be in relationship that makes me feel insecure
why hit your head on the wall hurting yourself more? why to settle for something less than good? there are thousands of guys around and no one in this world is irreplaceble
i think you need some time for yourself - time WITHOUT him. 3.5 years in relationship is very long and i can imagine how difficult it is for you to move on. it is hard, girl. i sometimes wish i never went through this experience but then i remind myself that everybody goes through it and survives. why can't i?
there might be a case when you'll be together with him and give him a second chance. There's also a possibility that you will not. if i were you i wouldn't hope much for miracle and would not expect anything from him. That way you'll protect yourself from more pain.
i can talk for hours about it. incredible, some time ago on this board i was being told the very same words and found it hard to believe.. but i do believe now, after so many months of false hope, despair and being heart-broken. time does heal and no contact is the best way to move on
all the best
N