dealing with a passive guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
dealing with a passive guy
2
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 11:00pm
i recently started talking to this guy just over a month ago. a few weeks ago we hung out for the 1st time, rented a movie, chilled..it was fine. he went to a club w/ his friends one night and i ended up going to the same club w/ my friends and a friend of mine said "he seems like the passive type" since then i cant get that out of my head. he didnt come to dance w/ me yet he was eyeing me and not dancing w/ other girls. once i approached him he danced with me. this past weekend we went to the movies and i was waiting for him to hold my hand (at the very least) and he didnt. i would have grabbed his had he not had his hand in his pocket during the walk there AND back. anyways, so the question/discussion becomes should i:

a) take things into my own hands

b) ask him what's up

c) or...do anything else?!?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 2:22am
to hockeybabe> I was once given this really good advice about passive men...if a man liked or was interested in you, he would do anything in the world to let you know no matter how shy he is. Why? Because just like if you really want something, you wouldn't want it to slip away, right? And men are just the same.

I used to think like you, maybe the guy was just too shy or too passive and was just waiting for me to make the first move. Like if a guy doesn't call me, I would think he was too scared to call or whatever, but later I learned that it's not true at all....

I'm not saying shy guys don't exist, they do and some guys do need some reaasurance before they feel it's ok to make a move. What I'd do in your situation is give him pretty obvious hints that you are interested and that you'd like to progress to something more, if he doesn't respond the way you want him to, then I'd jsut move on. He's probably not interested. So just drop him some good hints, and wait for him to act. But make sure you don't keep calling or try too hard after the first time, cuz then he'll think you are desparate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Tue, 06-29-2004 - 5:43pm
hey carrie,

thanks! i cant remember if i mentioned that he's pretty shy but he is. we talk on the phone every day. we have conflicting schedules i work 8:30-4:30 and he works 4-midnight he calls me on his breaks. occasionally we'll talk online. the other night he said something along the lines that he was more into me then i am into him. i'm afraid to bring up the whole 'relationship' talk b/c we've only gone out a few times but i think that's where it headed..

he isnt shy on the phone, we could talk forever. but when we hang out its like he doesnt believe in actions..

should i maybe wait a few weeks before saying anything to him about it?

also - i thought of this last night, i like him, his personality and hes pretty cute. but i dont have that OMG I WANT YOU NOW feeling that usually occurs with most new relationships