Debts. Would u wait or get married.
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Debts. Would u wait or get married.
| Sun, 08-14-2005 - 3:43pm |
Bf has debts(few thousand dollars). He says he will pay the money off within two years. He has proposed marriage. Would you marry him (if everything else is going well) AFTER he has paid off everything, or it doesn't matter to you and you would go ahead with your marriage plans.

Congrats on the marriage proposal... I'm assuming you said yes? :)
As for the debt, I would be careful... marriage is stressful enough on its own, without the added weight of having debts riding over you. What sort of wedding are you planning? If it's small and won't cause its own debt, then I would say so long as he has a good plan, I may consider it. But if he has not shown himself to be responsible with debts, then I would be careful, even so far as getting married...
I'm not sure what state you are in and what the legal ramifications are but you'd want to check into whether or not his debt becomes yours after you're married...
Good luck! And give us some details on your proposal! :)
I agree, you'll want to ensure that if you did get married, that you wouldn't be saddled with ownership of the debt if he walks away from it.
The first thing that you do need to look at though, is how is he managing/ handling the debt that he does have? Is he paying it off or adding to it? Is he being responsible NOW with his money, in your opinion, or is he foolish with it?
You need to be on the same page and have the same goals for the marriage to work, but financial matters is one of the most important things you need to work out before you talk of marriage. And it sounds to me like you have some reservation or you woulnd't be asking the question here.
So sit down with him and talk about a financial plan, what your goals are and what you're hoping to have accomplished before you get married.
Alison
thanks for your thoughts...
yeah i should talk to him about it in more detail. well, he hasn't proposed formally, but we have just lightly talked about it. i know he is in this for the long haul. yes, i do have reservations because of his debt...
and he knows i want to take my time deciding, and i was considering things from several angles. this issue was something i thought i might do with some advise since it was bothering me.
he lives long distance so i really don't know how exactly he is managing his money now. i really dont want to ask him too many questions and make him defensive. he does have a regular salary coming in, and i see him being interested in "saving", which he has never done before surprisingly (even with a good salary). just a few days ago, he told me he purchased a palm pilot..put in a few hundred dollars there. i did not like the idea, but i did not say anything. afterall, it's his money. and he is an adult and should know what he can afford, and what he can't. i guess he sensed it from my reaction that it wasn't a good idea, so he returned it (i was really glad he did that).
he has this tendency to spend on the spur of the moment.
i am not comfortable marrying him with this on his head, to be honest. perhaps i should keep asking him on a regular basis how he is paying it off? hope he wont see that as pressuring him and being nosy.
Hi, I've been lurking the last couple days, reading a post here and there. I can't help but respond to this post.
I understand long distance relationships and one thing that is vital is open communication. If marriage is being discussed than you need to know his spending habits and how he views money. You may have a grasp of it, but not the knowledge. I don't think this post is so much about his debt but you feeling he's less responsible with money than you are. This is not a deal breaker, but it is something that needs thought, consideration of your comfort zone with money, and a lot of communication.
If you are thinking of becoming a partner with this gentleman, then you need to have more discussions and honesty about this topic. It's well knows that money is the source for most disagreements in a relationship. Remember, question don't have to lead to defensiveness, it can also lead to more understanding and a closer relationship.
Jenn