Decisions, decisions...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2007
Decisions, decisions...
2
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 4:18pm

I always heard people say that if you really don't care about the single/dating/committed status, it will make you that much more desirable. It's actually true! I completely resigned myself from caring about being free and independent woman, and I finally took a deep breath to enjoy my status.

Now, I have a slight dilemma: I have now taken my aloof, carefree spirit a bit far and have three guys "on the hook" - I think I led some of them on by not thinking about it and taking precautionary actions earlier. So now, I'm dating three great guys:

Bachelor #1 - Awesome guy, we dated years ago, he lives states away, yet he wants to get back together. I share a great connection with him, but it's more of a brother/sister thing. That's an easy decision (end it, though I feel absolutely horrible about doing that to him...again.)

Bachelor #2 - Attractive, confident guy lives several hundred miles away. When I first met him, we had such an intense connection. It was awesome. However, the days, weeks, following, I think he freaked out and didn't call ... for about a month (which is when I met bachelor #3). However, now he is calling regularly and plans to visit me.

Bachelor #3 - Funny, outgoing, intelligent and driven guy who calls when he says he will and we discuss ridiculously nerdy thing and quote lines from movies like Anchorman. By the way, he lives nearby, but I've only known him for a month.

My question is, should I continue to entertain all these possibilities or should I select one and just go with it? My heart is saying go with Bachelor #3, but if it doesn't work out, I really don't want to have burned up all the bridges with the other two, you know??

Or am I just being selfish??

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 8:57pm

I may not be the right person to provide any insight because I can't/don't date multiple people at once. But having a casual thing far away (bachelor #1 or #2), lends it self to being open to nearby possibilities, so they really can't blame you for dating someone else if they don't want to commit to an exclusive relationship with you.

What does "taking precautionary actions earlier" - mean?

I agree, if a guy senses you are enjoying life and you are comfortable with yourself, without a guy to feed your ego, then you become more desirable to men. I hated going out with women who resembled vultures scavenging for food. I knew that even if I didn't project what they were projecting, guys were not going to come anywhere near us. Horrible!

Bachelor #3 sounds good.

Well, if you only feel brother/sister to #1, then let him go, because while you may enjoy the attention, you are just going to hurt him. Bachelor #2, though, is a different subject. He freaks , doesn't call for one month and now wants to get close again?! Hah!

While it may sound selfish to keep #2 strung along, it is also going to backfire on you down the road, so you might not want to invest in Mr. Attractive/Confident too much.

But keep up the good work, at least someone is getting some out there. I have no one chasing me yet. But, such is life.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-20-2007 - 9:09pm

I would end it with #1 (since you really don't seem to be romantically attrached to him), and continue to see (but not sleep with) #2 and #3 until such time as you are ready to date one of them exclusively. I think a month is too soon to decide whether to date #3 exclusively so give that another month or so. #2 may or may not pan out but why cut it off at this point if you're not relatively sure #3 is a good match for you?

Sheri