Decline of men
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| Mon, 08-02-2004 - 5:27pm |
I'm new here so let me introduce myself...I am a single (for 2 years), 23 yo woman who has a year left of school, works her butt off (full time job, full time school), has a bunch of great friends, goes out a lot, and aspires to be a writer some day for a women's magazine. My friends would describe me as sassy, intelligent, kind, and the comic relief of the group. I have had a few serious, committed relationships (lived with my ex for a year, we grew apart and I moved out) as well as MANY MANY non-serious dates, hook-ups, semi-boyfriends/friends with benefits. While I meet, date, and mess around with plenty of guys I do not have sex with any of them unless it's a loving, meaningful relationship. So basically, I am a girl-next-door type who is somewhat attractive, classy, smart, and fun. I get a lot of attention from guys but this leads me to the point of this posting...
I am fed up with men! Years ago, the guys I dated wanted relationships...holding hands, talking about our lives, building a friendship, going out on dates, meeting eachother's friends, etc...but lately, things seem to be changing. I am noticing that guys in my age range today who are single are for the post part, losers. All of the guys I have dated in the last year make it sound like they want relationships at first, then end up pulling disappearing acts or take back everything they said. Guys today only want a quick rush of something new...then they are gone. My friends notice the same thing. The exact same thing. Guys act SO interested at first, then turn into jerks soon after the first date. For example, the last guy I went out with actually TOLD me--in these exact words--that he wanted to be exclusive with me, that he has never connected with anyone like this before, that he could see a real future with us, that he LOVED me, wanted to see me all the time, blah blah blah blah. The funny thing is, he did not have to say anything of that--it kinda freaked me out as I just wanted to hang out and have fun and see where things went. But he said them and it got my romantic hopes up. I did not respond to these comments except to say we'll see how things go. Well, soon after saying all that bs he blows me off, saying he is "too selfish" to be committed to anyone. That is fine--but why the heck do guys say all that stuff if they don't mean it!
My best friend and I have been through guy after guy like this--we meet them, think they are cool but don't expect it to go anywhere for sure, then they spout off all this bs to make us think they DO want it to turn into something more meaningful and as soon as we start to think maybe it COULD turn into a relationship, the guys disappear. What the heck! I have talked to my other girlfriends, and even my gay guy friends, and they all say--yeah, that's what guys are like now--they don't want relationships and tell a bunch of bs.
I am so fed up, I am actually turning down dates with ALL guys...even guys that seem nice. I have absolutely no trust or faith in men anymore. I still wish someday I'll be interested again and finally meet someone worthwhile, but at this rate it will never happen. Can someone explain why men feel the need to BS their way into a woman's life, then run away? Has the relationship gone out of style--do guys just want the physical now?? If I am right, and this is just the way single life is now, please let me know so I can give up the fantasy of ever having a decent boyfriend again.

Pianoguy wonders if you are "attracting" or "settling for" the wrong types of men?
All of us DON'T want to 'go the distance' with you...but perhaps your intentions have been a little...err...confusing? What kind of 'vibes' do you give to a man? What words do you use? How do you think the men you've dated in the past perceive you?
You've indicated that just about every man you've been with has turned out to be "A LOSER?" And I guess if you want to lump all of us into that category, you're probably gonna be 'hanging out with the girls' for a good portion of your life? Because if you go into any new relationship with a 'chip on your shoulder'---most males will cue up on the attitude and eventually SPLIT!
Just for the heck of it...retrace some of your past relationships and see if you can remember when and especially HOW they began to go sour? If you're honest with your thoughts and feelings, I'll bet you'll notice a few similar patterns and situations?
Would you PLEASE try to remember something?
All of us AREN'T out to use you for our pleasure...and then...dump you when we've had enough. But if the vibes YOU give off can easily be misinterpreted...most men (including Pianoguy) won't stick around trying to figure them out!
Pianoguy
MB