Decoding guys.. very long.. need advice
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| Wed, 03-31-2004 - 11:37am |
Here's my story. I've been seeing someone recently. Let's call him J. We dated briefly last year but my attention wasn't really 100% on him because I was dating another guy. J would txt me on my phone, IM, call me, up but I was kind of busy most of the time. I even broke a couple of our plans to spend more time with the other guy (who I was in love with, BTW, but that's a different story). I liked him but I was more into the other guy so I didn't really pay attention to him much and eventually, he stopped asking me out although here and there he would tell me he "misses me." My relationship didnt work out with the other guy so I kind of hinted at J that I wanna see him again when I was over my feelings of the other guy (it has been a few months since it ended). And he took the bait and asked me out. I haven't seen him for like 6 months or so. WHen I saw him, he changed. He has grown his hair (he was always shaving it before and I felt like that was one of the reasons I couldn't get into him because I wasnt attracted to the bald head) and he has worked out a lot. He was just so gorgeous and really almost could not stop staring at him.
Anyway, we had a great time and I asked him why he never asked me out again before (even though I know the answer) and he told me because I didn't seemed interested in him and I looked bored our last date. I told him it wasn't like that at all and I do like him. Then we went to see a movie and he tried to hold my hand. Well, he was caressing the back of my hand but I didnt move (I didnt know what to do, honestly). He took it away after a few minutes but he didnt say anything about it. He told me to relax though. Anyway, I told him I had a great time (which I really did) and we went home. When I got home, we talked online and I told him not to shave his head again and he was like "deal, but next time you have to hold my hand at least because the still as a rock gives me bad signals." I told him I was just shy and I didn't know how to react when he tried to hold my hand (with my ex, he just took my hand and hold it... he was aggressive.. and I like that cause thats less ackward. lol). He said he's wondering if I just want to hang out with him without being romantic and he's confused about me because I'm hard to read. All I said was that I enjoyed spending time with him and that I like him everytime we hang out because I always discover something new about him (and that's really really true). He told me he feels the same way and that he finds me "really sweet, smart, funny and very beautiful." (I saved the IM, lol!) He said he was going to be more persistent this time around compared to last year too. Oh, before the talk about holding hands and not shaving his head, he asked me what I wanted to do next time and we decided we're going to watch a broadway play since he has never seen one despite being in NYC all these years. :P He txted me a couple of times Sunday and we chatted again online that night. He also Imed me once but I wasn't in front of my pc so he just txted me.
So here's the problem. He came online monday and signed off without saying hi to me!! Maybe it's not a big deal but its a big deal to me. I didn't think much about it then but I saw him again online earlier today and the same thing. He didn't IM. So after like 30 minutes of him being online, I said hi and he quickly responded (which is good, I guess) but I'm wondering why didn't he IM first when he's obviously there. I didn't asked why he didnt IM first, of course but we chatted and I told him I lost my belly button ring and he said like "we can go shopping for a new one." I told my friend about it earlier and he was like.. "oh, he's testing your interest level because of last year. He's just being very cautious now." I let my friend read our IM too, btw and he told me from what he was getting from me, I was hinting to J that I like to move slow.. which I disagree 100% because I wasn't hinting that at all. In fact, just the opposite. Anyway, he came online tonight and didnt IM me again. I find that ridiculous now. I don't expect much.. but can I least get a hi when he sees me online? I already IMed him the last time!!
I want to know what's on this guy's head. What do you guys think? My friend thinks I need to show more interest in him but yet I do already. What else could I do? I don't want to be overeager at all although I did find myself thinking about him a lot after our date.
So if you guys were me, what would you guys do, say, think, etc? I feel 16.. lol.. when I'm almost 23 (in 3 days). Please enlighten me, guys!

From what I can tell, you are asking "what's on this guy's mind?" Nobody can tell you that. But you should stop expecting him to acknowledge you every time he comes online. He just might not feel like chatting at that particular moment. Or your friend could be right and he could be playing it cool. You need to do the same. But don't play ... BE cool. Let him come to you and show you his level of interest.
You do sound like you're going through a very "girly" experience for someone who is almost 23. Calm down. You don't have to "decode" this guy... just go on about your life. If he's interested in you, he will let you know.
And I think that sums everything up...
This guy has other things going on in life and he doesn't (and shouldn't) drop things just to IM, or call, or whatever.
You obviously like this guy which is great, but I wouldn't sweat the details as small as that.
Now.. don't get me wrong.. I totally fell for my girl a few months ago and I was just like you, worrying about stuff like that... so I understand, believe me, but don't hold it against him if he doesn't think about you as much as you do him. People are different.
You are like me... my girlfriend is like your boyfriend.. I want more than she gives, but she gives in subtle ways which are a big deal for her.. you have to find those subtle ways from him.
moderation is the key
and for god sake let him hold ur hands ...atleast respond. holding hands is not bad
beleive me
Edited 4/1/2004 1:21 am ET ET by geoaxis