Define "in love" and chemistry
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| Wed, 10-13-2004 - 2:39pm |
We broke up about 3months ago. Since that time he has met someone new he claims to be in love with. He moved in with her and then through her out. What confuses me is during these 3mo. he has continued to call me and has continued to want to be initimate. (I didn't agree)
To me in love means trust, being best friends and wanting to be initimate with someone. When I asked him why he calls me he says he misses our friendship and he misses our trust. When I asked him why if he was in love with this girl it didn't bother him to want to be initimate with me, he said because he enjoyed our time toghether and he enjoyed being with me. Am I missing something- if he's attracted enough to want to have sex and if he considers me his best friend then whats missing? Is my definition of in love wrong?

Having Chemistry or Lust means you are attracted to them physically and maybe there is a spark of something there that may lead to a little more.
As for your situation- your ex is confused himself. He wants to have his cake and eat it too. He claims he wasn't in love with you, but obviously he had some chemistry with you such as sexually chemistry and maybe just enjoyed talking, but wanted and continues to want nothing more.
Keep this guy at bay b/c he doesn't even know what he wants and he is only going to hurt himself!
To the OP: IMO the difference between loving someone and being in love with someone is physical attraction and desire for intimacy. You love the members of your family and your friends, but you don't want to be intimate with them. That physical spark of attraction separates the 2 different types of love IMO. And if that spark and chemistry last over time, that's being in love. If it doesn't last, but fizzles over a short period of time (months or weeks), then it was probably only infatuation. It takes time to get to know a person before you can really love them in any sense IMO.
Don't waste your time trying to figure your ex out. You will never be inside his head to know what motivates his behaviors. Anything we say about it is merely conjecture, and a waste of time. He didn't want a committed serious relationship with you, that's the bottom line. If that's what you're looking for, then move on b/c he is not the right guy for you (since he didn't want that, with you). Please try not to dwell on what he's doing now in his life. That's his business.
You simply cannot remain friends after a breakup unless neither of you want anything but friendship from the other, you're not jealous of them moving on or being happy with someone else, etc. That is not the case here since he wants sex from you. Please remove him from your life, even though it will be very difficult. Just keep reminding yourself that what has happened between you proves he's not the guy you're ultimately seeking, so continue your search. So long as you stay embroiled and struggling with someone who's wrong for you, you can't find the one who may be right for you. Good luck.