denial or confusion?
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denial or confusion?
| Sat, 12-10-2005 - 11:06pm |
I guess I need to try to understand or just have someone out there tell me to face how it is.Here it goes:
This guy and I have gone out 2 times socially (not a date technically).Both times we came back to my apartment with the understanding that we are "friends".He stayed til 2 in the morning.Just talking for hours.Good times.But here is where it gets weird for me and I am now confused.He also has came to my apt for the past 2 Saturdays,again talking and drinking.His choice to be here-he gave up his going out nites to spend time here.Well,this past Weds we came back here and we were talking and he said he liked me alot and wanted to be more than friends.I said the same.We held hands and started kissing,then he was trying to make out and I put the brakes on.I told him that I need to go slow.He seemed ok.Gave me a goodbye kiss after I asked for it.I've seen him at work and he hasnt had anything to say to me since that nite.I have left several voicemail messages.He doesnt call me back or answer the phone.What is the deal????Did he just want sex???Call me stupid but IF you like someone then wouldnt you try again on the next date-not just avoid me???Why isnt he calling me back???dumb question but I really am confused or in denial.Was he just looking for that,he didnt seem like it.He was the one that initiated the dating thing?I need help,I have to go to work on Monday and face him and the company X-mas party is Tuesday....!
This guy and I have gone out 2 times socially (not a date technically).Both times we came back to my apartment with the understanding that we are "friends".He stayed til 2 in the morning.Just talking for hours.Good times.But here is where it gets weird for me and I am now confused.He also has came to my apt for the past 2 Saturdays,again talking and drinking.His choice to be here-he gave up his going out nites to spend time here.Well,this past Weds we came back here and we were talking and he said he liked me alot and wanted to be more than friends.I said the same.We held hands and started kissing,then he was trying to make out and I put the brakes on.I told him that I need to go slow.He seemed ok.Gave me a goodbye kiss after I asked for it.I've seen him at work and he hasnt had anything to say to me since that nite.I have left several voicemail messages.He doesnt call me back or answer the phone.What is the deal????Did he just want sex???Call me stupid but IF you like someone then wouldnt you try again on the next date-not just avoid me???Why isnt he calling me back???dumb question but I really am confused or in denial.Was he just looking for that,he didnt seem like it.He was the one that initiated the dating thing?I need help,I have to go to work on Monday and face him and the company X-mas party is Tuesday....!

First of all, I would play it very cool with him at the office x-mas party................if it was meant to be, he will start pursuing you again.
<< So what is this?? We're damned if we do and damned if we don't??! I think it does'nt truly matter whether we sleep with the guy or not?! It all depends on the guy......>>
I'd have to respectfully disagree. You'll never be "damned if you don't" ... because if you don't, and the guy wasn't cool with that, then ...what have you lost? A guy who just wanted sex? Big whoop! That guy's not worth it. He's not someone you'd want to be with anyway, right? (that is, unless that's all the woman wants, too ... then, you've got two people who are on the same page and just want a "no strings" sexual encounter every now and then). So, by no means, are you damned if you don't ... just chalk it up to the guy revealing his true intentions ... "just sex." So, not "damned" ... just better off.
As for "damned if you do" and intentions ... if you "do" and he disappears ... it's basically the same result ... he got sex ... and that was all he wanted, so ... he disappears, perhaps resurfaces in a couple weeks, if thinks you're going to be up for it again ... and if a woman goes for it ... this is where you're "damned if you do" ... because you're not really knowing the guy's intentions ... does he like YOU ... or does he like you for sex?
This is why you're never really "damned if you don't" ... because if you don't have sex, and he still wants to see you and date you, then ... you've got someone who's interested in getting to know YOU ... not just in the benefits that you're willing to offer.
well said, Starbuck!
This man probably thought "more than friends" meant sex and you thought it meant a relationship. He didn't get sex so he is probably going to move on.
Next time you like a guy make sure he takes you out on an official date. No talkies and smoochies in your apartment.