Desire and reality in dating
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Desire and reality in dating
| Thu, 03-18-2004 - 3:30am |
Hey people! This may strike you as stange and funny but have you had the experience to project love on someone??
Here is how it works for me.
Recently, I've been working on a scietific project that involved a sleuth of foreign countries (statistical job, nothing exciting). But I had to translate the survey of one country from the native language into English. The language itself is very close to another one I speak so I needed just a little to do it. I started researching and along learning about the language I learned about the country. As a result, since I'm easily impressed, I fell in love with the country which happens to be a little "exotic." Since then I've been obsessed with it and naturally, when I met a guy from there, I fell in love. He was the typical type of his country so I wanted to expereicne all that I knew about. As I threw myself headlong into it, I realized desire and reality don't overlap. That is, I projected my image of how things should be on him and then tred to model him according to this image. Naturally, this did not work out and I was devastated.
Why it always happens like that? I treat guys like projects that I have to model rather than objects to discover. My imasgination is running larger than life and I pick guys that remind me of something and then try to model them according to this image rather than take them for granted. But as a matter of fact, I haven't met someone that has been sufficintly interesting to me just "as is." Now call me superfucial and headless!!
Here is how it works for me.
Recently, I've been working on a scietific project that involved a sleuth of foreign countries (statistical job, nothing exciting). But I had to translate the survey of one country from the native language into English. The language itself is very close to another one I speak so I needed just a little to do it. I started researching and along learning about the language I learned about the country. As a result, since I'm easily impressed, I fell in love with the country which happens to be a little "exotic." Since then I've been obsessed with it and naturally, when I met a guy from there, I fell in love. He was the typical type of his country so I wanted to expereicne all that I knew about. As I threw myself headlong into it, I realized desire and reality don't overlap. That is, I projected my image of how things should be on him and then tred to model him according to this image. Naturally, this did not work out and I was devastated.
Why it always happens like that? I treat guys like projects that I have to model rather than objects to discover. My imasgination is running larger than life and I pick guys that remind me of something and then try to model them according to this image rather than take them for granted. But as a matter of fact, I haven't met someone that has been sufficintly interesting to me just "as is." Now call me superfucial and headless!!

You say you've never met someone who was good enough "as is". You need to find the right kind of person and also learn how to mesh reality with imagination.
Have you thought about why you do this "projecting"?
Now I'm afraid to show up outside.
Actually, i've been trying to control for that. I have deliebrately restrained myself in making any comments on guys I meet. I try to put up with thatever they are and to discover their good sides.
But quite often what I found has not been enough to be interested in. After trying for a long time to like them, I realize it's not working for me and feel very bad.
sounds like you like the drama and the thrill of the chase as opposed to liking the prospect of getting to know a person.