did cinderella and the prince live happy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
did cinderella and the prince live happy
3
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 6:40pm
hi. i really need help here.ive been dating a sweet,nice,overweight,not-exceptionally-looking-but-ok-looking guy (X) on and off for about 6 yrs.we were good friends before we began dating and before then,i had a crush on his younger brother which didnt work out well.he has always been sweet and i never thought id date him more than 6 months.i discovered how clingy and possessive he could be,but not before id let him pop the cherry. he began to play mind-games with me and though we resolved that,problems just kept coming in.i always felt unsatisfied and guilty after sex and soon his ballooning weight and lack of looks began to irritate me. i dont know how the relationship dragged on despite his long sojourn abroad,but i got emotionally close to several other guys-no sex as i am now celibate since this guy.he actually had sex with someone else abroad.
we eventually had a nasty break-up a year ago and i dated another seemingly-wonderful man (celibacy was not his thing,so we broke up too)
now,X has wormed his way back into my life.he is besotted with me and we've frankly thrashed out old issues from his weight to poor sex.
the problems now are 1.we live in different countries
2.im not sexually attracted to him in a big way
3.i still think he lacks high intelligence and ambition
please help me.im confused.i tried to give up the "dark knight on a shining horse come to rescue me" to reconcile dating X again.but am i headed for a stormy relationship future with no gain for either of us? i still have a roving eye,hoping for my knight or even a good old musketeer to come to me.im not tired of searching but my friends tell me that is a fairy tale and in real life you marry sensibly not with cinderella hopes.
reduce my torment and worry.i am also worried if i stay with X,ill never have the orgasm i have never experienced.
what do YOU think?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Fri, 11-26-2004 - 8:43pm

Hon you're way up in the clouds with fairy tales and horses. Get back to earth and think...what's wrong with this picture...you've had horrendous relationships that have never fulfilled your needs. You're had sex with a guy who you weren't attracted to, why? I, though, should say "kudos" for breaking up with the guy who wasn't for celibacy, you were and you did the right thing. Now, this X guy is back and after all the mind games and defects you see in him you entertain the idea of continue dating him, why? You see all his wrongs and none of his rights.

Knights in shining armors don;t exist, that's fantasy. You're looking for someone to come save you from the mistakes you've made and that's not real. What is real is that you can take control of your life. You can do some soul search and find out why you get involved with men you don't like, why you have such a low self esteem that you think you HAVE to remain with X. After you do that you can set boundaries and standards in your life, enforce them, be happy with who you are and never make the same mistakes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
Sat, 11-27-2004 - 2:30pm
Not to be to harsh here...but read your own post. The answer is there. Why would you ever entertain the thought of getting back into this relationship with the X, just because he is there. There are others. You should realize your own answer. Is he your prince, you knight in shining armor...from the sounds of it...no. So why? Get out there, get away from him, you will find someone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Sat, 11-27-2004 - 8:24pm
Don't stay with X just because. You will find the guy you're looking for, if not you will find someone, and he will most likely be better than X. It just sounds to me that you are not happy with X, if you are not then there is no need for you to go back to him. Don't settle for less, you deserve your prince charming.