Did he break up with me after "the talk"
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| Mon, 08-16-2004 - 1:08pm |
I am so heartbroken. Friday night, I made a romantic dinner for my boyfriend of 6 months. I cooked all this food, bought roses, put them on the table and spread rose petals all over the table. I then put candles on the table so that we would have a romantic dinner together. I wanted to set the mood, so that we could have “the talk”. He had brought a nice bottle of champagne over. After dinner, I told him I did not feel we were getting closer after all these months. He said he felt we were closer, but I said I did not feel it. I did the bad mistake of comparing him to my ex boyfriends, which pissed him off. I told him I didn’t want to just date for fun, but I wanted a companion, someone to build a relationship with. (By the way, I needed to have a talk with him because we are simply spending only 1 –3 days a week together. But it just didn’t come out right.)
I thought we were fine after the talk, and he was receptive but later in the middle of the night he left around 3:30 am and said he had a bad headache (due to all the champagne he drank that night) and said he should go home since he couldn’t sleep and did not want to toss and turn all night. I told him I could give him aspirin, but he didn’t want it. This is first time he has ever left in the middle of the night and did not spend the night and morning with me. Coincidence after we had the talk?
Before he left he said sorry for leaving early and thanked me for making the nice dinner. I kissed him and told him to call me later and let me know that he was okay.
Around 1:30 p.m the next day, I didn’t hear from him and so I called him and left a message. I just said, that I was worried about him and I hope he was feeling better.
He finally called me later that night around 8:30 pm and apologized again for leaving early, and said when he got home he couldn’t sleep either. He thanked me for the nice dinner again, and asked if I was going out with the girls that night. I said yes, and he said he was staying in tonight since he was tired, but that he would call me tomorrow.
Background: About a month ago, I had a problem with him saying he would call me at a certain time and not call a day or 2 later. I told him it made me feel like he didn’t care when he said he would call at a certain time and not. He said he did care, and he was really sorry and was not aware of it. He promised he would never do that again. And he never did…until now.
He did not call me yesterday, when he told me he would. I think I scared him away. I think he purposely and consciously did not call when he said he would, to let me know he does not want to be with me. I am so heartbroken, because I was falling inlove. I think he probably thought I was being needy and to controlling and so he is pulling away. I mean he KNOWS it hurts me when he says he is going to call but doesn’t and did it anyway by not calling me yesterday when he said he would.
Please tell me, is he pulling away? Is he breaking up with me? Calling him is not an option for me. I have already acted to needy and need to pull back.

The conversation did seem needy, 1-3 days a week seems like a pretty fair amount of time for someone you've been seeing for only 6 months, why do you need more? I mean if it was one time a week every week no matter what I might be concerned, but if some weeks its more depending on schedules I don't see the issue. Comparing him to your exboyfriends is a NO NO in any situation unless you want an angry guy on your hands, that's just plain inconsiderate and rude.
I don't know that he's "punishing" you by not calling, maybe he has some things going on that you don't know anything about, maybe he's stressed out about something, the fact that he had a headache and couldn't sleep at your house that made him get up at 3 am and leave and the fact he couldn't sleep even when he got home says to me that something is weighing pretty heavily on his mind and it may have NOTHING to do with you.
Remember you are BOTH in this relationship, you both should have equal say in what goes on, maybe he feels you are too demanding and want things your way all the time. Who knows, only he does.
It's best to just wait for him to contact you to tell you what's going on.
I wouldn't say you were needy but I don't think after 6 months if you are seeing each other every week that you needed to press him for more.
His not calling you is not to make you feel bad I doubt he is being that devious, he likely just needs some time.
There would be a million women who would like to have a guy that sees them that often after only six months.
I think you just demanded a little too much too soon, but he sounds like a good guy if you just give him time.
Could he have dumped me over this?
e mailing is so impersonal.
I would give him a few days to a week ( I know it will be hard) but see if he contacts you. If he doesn't call by within a week then call him/
He sounds like a decent guy so perhaps just tell him that you didn't intend to make him uncomfortable and you are sorry if you did. I wouldn't say "sorry i sounded needy or demanding, because if he isn't thinking that then you just put the idea in his head.
Tell him that you would like a do over and invite him OUT for dinner. Or if he is into sports invite him to a b ball game or something.
Say something like, Hey can I have a do over for last weekend and then tell him what you would like to do.
Try to keep it light and entertaining.
I doubt after 6 months he is just going to stop seeing you.