did he use me for sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2009
did he use me for sex?
3
Tue, 11-13-2012 - 9:09pm
i ve been dating this guy for a few weeks and we see eachother about 3x a week. last week we had sex for the first time and since then he's pretty much vanished

he's a doctor and the day after we had sex, he went into work for a 4 day shift. he does this once a mnth to get the other 3 weekends off. so on monday he was gonna join my friends and i for dinner but then didnt cos he got home from work that afternoon and was tired. thats fine.
i asked via text if he wanted to meet wed and he said he may cover a shift for another dr and wont know until tues. i said not to worry and that id make other plans for myself. he said " sorry hun, im off the weekend though!" i said ok well im prob working but if you wanna meet i ll try to keep a nite free. 1/2 hr later he hadnt answered so i said " but i need to know what nite..." that was 9pm mon nite. it's now 200am wednesday.

he hasnt contacted me at all and im so upset. i feel like telling him just to be upfront and end this like an adult but i dunno if im overreacting.

also, if i dont see him this weekend, i dunno when i ll see him again as i now work f/t nites and he works f/t days...with only every 3rd weekend off and i work most weekends.

just dunno where to go from here. he's 28. im 30
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 11-13-2012 - 10:25pm

I would really think that it would be odd for a 28 yr old man to wait for approx. 9-10 dates to have sex only to dump you--I'd think if all a guy wanted was sex, then he probably wouldn't wait past 2-4 dates.  If it was taking longer than that to get a "conquest," then why bother?  What I do see as a problem is that your future work schedules are incompatible--how would you expect to continue a relationship if you can never be off work at the same times?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2009
Wed, 11-14-2012 - 10:40am

well the work thing couldve been worked out cos im one of two restaurant mngrs and while i prefer to work nites, i could split the day shifts with the other mngr and have more nights off to be with this guy BUT im not gonna be the only one making an effort and also the rosters are done 2wks in advance so his " i ll get back to you" business has to stop

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2012
Mon, 11-19-2012 - 3:32pm

I don't mean to pry too deeply but how was the sex? I agree with MusicLover that a lot (not all) guys just looking for a conquest wouldn't bother with 9 or 10 dates, so why did he suddenly vanish? Was it a less than satisfying experience or is that completely unrelated do you think? And your upcoming work schedule obviously poses a major challenge for any possible future relationship. Maybe he realizes this and is just trying to bow out gracefully? You say you haven't recieved a response from him in 2 days - is that at all typical? Do you two generally communicate daily or at the very least, offer a response when one is in order? Because if so, I think that's a huge red flag. You and I may be polar opposites but if I was in your situation, I would just leave the ball in his court. Don't try to contact him and do your best not to even think of him. Live your life as if he doesn't even exist, meaning go out and do whatever you feel like doing with whomever you feel like doing it. If he contacts you again, you can decide to pursue it or you may realize you have no desire to do so anymore.