Did I blow it???

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Did I blow it???
20
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 10:30am

Welllllll... I just sort of started seeing someone who I think I like a lot. However, I am a little insecure because my last relationship crashed and burned and left me very lonely and very vulnerable.

This is the first guy since this past summer that I think I really like and I may have blown it! HELP!

Last night I was out and drunk dialed. Just to talk, that was it, but this morning I woke up and didn't relly remember the conversation - ahhhh! I know me and I'm sure I probably didn't say anything "so bad". But is this enough for him to "drop" me from consideration.

I wrote an email this morning to acknowledge I knew I was that tipsy. I know he is no saint when it comes to this, but I am so worried. We click and both have acknowledged to eachother we are siked to hang out again - did I blow it?????

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Tue, 01-31-2006 - 3:48pm
I think this guy is a bit slow about calling. As long as you don't call him excessively, you're doing allright. After your date this week, let him call for the next date. Don't become the one who always has to initiate things. Besides men like to be the initiators. He'll feel a bit smothered if you fall into a pattern of always calling.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 9:43am

So I am not initiating anything, and from our emails this week, we planned to have dinner together tonight. However, I have not reeived an email or a phone call yet as to when and where.

Thing is I'd just like to know whether or not we have plans. I could have dinner with another friend who I dont get to see very often and I dont want to be so last minute with her. Isn't it rude not to confirm on a date? Or do I really have plans with this guy and am obsessing about whether I am about to be blown off? This is where I have issues interpreting.

I dont have anything invested in this yet so I dont care if he cancels all that much, but i'd rather not be held in the dark about it. And, if he is truly interested in me, wouldn't he find the time to call and chit chat just a little rather than short emails every few days or so???

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 12:11pm

<>
Solution: If he doesn't call you by 4:00, make plans with her. If and when he does call at 5:00 or 6:00, tell him, "I'm sorry. I didn't think we were still on, so I made plans with my friend. I don't get to see her very often. Could we reschedule for another night?"

<>
Yes, but at this stage of the game, you should let him confirm the date. Afterall, he asked you out, so the ball is in his court. If you call him, (even if you tell him, "hi, I just wanted to know if we were still on, because if we're not, my friend who I hardly see wants to go out") You may still come across to him as desperate.

<>
It seems you are obsessing a bit. You have a 50 / 50 chance of having plans, but you're thinking worse case scenario. Let him be a guy and do the calling.

I want to recommend a book for you to read. This should be required reading for every woman in the dating scene! LOL But anyway, it's called "Why Men Love B's" by Sherry Argov. She actually addresses the issue of men making plans and not calling to confirm until the last minute or just showing up at her place well after the time was supposed to take place. She says we should not put up with that. If he calls an hour before the date is supposed to happen, then fine. Go on the date. But if you have other plans, then you are justified in asking him to reschedule when he finally does call.

Now if the guy shows up at your house at 10:00 when your date was supposed to be 7:00, then he has no intention of taking to dinner and movie. He is there for booty call. Don't fall for it. Tell him it's too late. You're about to go to bed and you want to reschedule. We need to teach them how to treat us early. If we too accomodating in the beginning we become doormats later.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 02-02-2006 - 1:31pm
Not necessarily, you apologized and you said you doubt you said anything bad.
,
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 10:56am

I know im annoying, butter better here than "out there"!!!

So we went on a date last night for dinner and it was a lot of fun. After dinner went for a short walk to my car and headed home. So now I wait, right? No email to say "thank you" . Now I just wait, right? He said something about next weekend being in my neck of woods, and I said something about being in his during the week and he said great.

I love and hate dating, but I do like this guy and reaaaaaallly dont want to fudge it up. I am being myself, comepletely, but its the "after date" interaction Im not so sure of. How is it done .

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 11:54am
Things are going well, so let him arrange a date for next week. However, I am a little concerned that he called at the eleventh hour yesterday. I wouldn't let him do that twice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 12:04pm

he contacted me late in the day, true. but had confirmed the day before via email.

it was a little vague for my taste. i would have preferred at least a superficial chit chat on the phone to acknowledge a real interest. However, he isn't like trying to bed me or anything. We have only kissed.

So im gonna just wait for him to arrange the next date. I suppose I know where I stand.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Fri, 02-03-2006 - 4:15pm
Yes definatley wait for him to make the next date. Glad Last night's date went well.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 2:33pm

well he e-mailed me today and basically said he has been really busy - doing some work on the side of his regular job. This probably means he isn't interested right? Because usually when a guy is interested, no matter how busy he is, he will at least try and pursue.

I went back and forth for a while about whether or not to even respond to his e-mail which basically said nothing except that he was busy and asking about my weekend. But I ultimately responded.

Now my gut here is that he isn't interested, even though I though we both had a great time on our dates. But the followup is just so week. We have had three dates now ...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-06-2006 - 5:15pm

It does sound like he is just somewhat interested at this point. That doesn't mean it can't change, but he's not there yet. I'd definitely keep dating other people (hopefully you were anyway) and let him initiate any further contact and dates.

Sheri

Pages