Did I do the right thing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Did I do the right thing?
3
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 2:16pm
Hi I have a dilemma going on. I'm wondering if I did the right thing in regards to my ex boyfriend. We went out for 4.5 years and I still to this day do not know why I stayed with him for so long. He was mentally abusive, lied to me all the time and I have confirmed he cheated on me several time. I got the strength to end it about 1 year ago. I broke up with him and never contacted him again. He emailed a couple times and I ran into him once out at a bar but I was with my boyfriend.

Well last weekend he showed up at my house in the middle of the night wanting to talk and tried to kiss me and bad mouthed his girlfriend as well. I made him leave. I was so furious because here is trying to come back into my life and doing the same thing he did to me to his current girlfriend. I wished people would who knew about him cheating on me would have told me about it then so I could have ended it sooner.

Well I told his girlfriend in a nice email about him coming by and trying to do what he did. I was not trying to stir up trouble but rather let her know because I felt she had a right to know. I explained how he cheated on me too and how I wish I knew about it then. I told her I have a boyfriend who I love very much and how I do not want the ex coming back and trying to ruin things. Now the ex has called me and is threatening me. Now I wish I didn't tell her. I told my boyfriend all about it and he says I did the right thing.


Did I do the right thing?


Isabel

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 3:46pm
I know exactly what you are going through. I was with my ex for about 4 years. He was mentally, verbally and borderline physically abusive. He lied all the time but he only cheated on me once -- it was that one time that broke up the relationship. To me it was like an open door into heaven. I was finally being giving this beautiful opportunity to dump his butt and move on to greater and better things.

He has been trying to get back together with me and has made a point of expressing his longoing feelings for me as well. Even threw in a sob here and there. Because you and I are the strong people that we are, we would never get back together with our exes. I'm sure that the guy you are dating right now is doing something right because you are dating him. And the guy I am dating happened to be my best friend as well.

When I found out about my ex cheating on me -- I can easily say that that I would have really liked it if the sk@nk he cheated on me with would have said something to me...but on the other hand...it was probably better that I didn't have a way of tracing here lol I'm just kidding!

But all in all...you did the right thing. The new girlfriend is just an innocent bystander and there really isn't a need for more people to get hurt then there already has been. Just be careful with your ex. Not every threat is an empty on. Its good that you talked to your boyfriend about it. Now you have someone to back you up in case you need it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Mon, 04-19-2004 - 5:36pm
No, I don't think you should have emailed his girlfriend. Even though he was wrong to come by your place and hit on you, it wasn't your place to tell her about it. That's getting into their relationship. It would be different if she was YOUR friend, or if she invited you to talk about him to her.

The sad thing is, it probably won't make a difference. She probably won't leave him. Now she probably just thinks you are a jealous, meddling ex-girlfriend trying to make trouble, and he is mad at you and could be dangerous.

Stay away from him AND her. If he contacts you again, tell him to stop. If he continues to come around, call the police and let them know of his threats.




iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 7:53pm
You are right. It will probably not make any difference. I was with an emotionally abusive man. I actually married him. He still tries to visit and meddle in my life even though he has another woman.

Same woman he had before we married. It seems abusive men have trouble letting go of anyone that has ever been involved with them.

Stay away and be careful.