Did I do the right thing by breaking it

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2004
Did I do the right thing by breaking it
2
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 2:28pm
I am 34 years old and never married, but consider myself an 'active dater'. I have not been in a relationship for 3 years so I think about what it was I wanted from a relationship.

Here is my question, about a month ago I started dating a man that I met online. We went on several dates and eventually ended up having sex together. He started calling me on a daily basis, but he seemingly never had anything to say. I always felt like I had to carry the conversation with him. He could not even engage me in discussion about how my day went or what I did that day. I was often responded to with a "hmmmmm", or "I see" after speaking to him about my life/job/etc.

I am looking for a relationship with someone who can offer me support and advice, not someone who drifts off into thought whenever I speak. By the way, I don't view myself as a boring person in coversation.

This man had many other great qualities, but I could not seem to get past the way he spoke to me on the phone. It was not this way while we were together in person, and only seemed to happen during phone conversation.

Also, after only two dates of taking me out, he resorted to let's have dinner and a movie at my house or yours. I started to feel very underappreciated right away and felt that I could have a more thought provoking conversation with my 6 year old.

Was I wrong to break it off with him? Should I have given him the opportunity to change and open up a little bit? Or was this just a mis-match in personalities? I feel like garbage for breaking it off and being alone once again, but also feel that this early in the relationship there should have been a little more spark?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 2:53pm

Well, I could see breaking things off if you didn't have good conversations in person, but to penalize him for being bad on the phone seems a little harsh.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 2:55pm
Why do you feel bad about breaking it off with this guy? You did NOT feel great about him or your relationship with him. He was boring on the phone and you need to be mentally stimulated.

After only 2 dates, it was home cooking and videos, huh? Well, unfortunately, it sounds like you went along with that scenario, and then you slept with him. That was like putting your "seal of approval" on the home dates. If you want to be taken "out" for a proper date, you have to speak up and let the guy know what is acceptable.

The guy was not likely to change, hon. If you stayed with him, you just would have been prolonging the inevitable. Being tired of being alone is NO reason to stay with someone you aren't compatible with. It's not fair to him, and it's not fair to yourself, because you both deserve to be with someone who makes you feel good.

Keep dating. You'll meet someone who is better suited to you.