Did I Do Something Wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Did I Do Something Wrong?
2
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 8:47am
I recently met a guy through a dating service. I had seen his picture before I met him but he hadn't seen mine. He told me on the date that he was pleasantly surprised at how pretty I was and thought that if I posted my picture a lot of men would be contacting me. We went out the second time and he was really affectionate the whole time, hugging and kissing me, he acted like he really liked me. The third time we went out I still didn't give him much encouragement, just a peck good-bye. I even pulled my face away when he grabbed it to kiss me. I have in my profile that I would like men as friends as well as dating. I'm wondering if he thinks I only want him for a friend and don't want to say so, or if he's just lost interest. I sometimes think men are intimidated to approach me because of my looks, etc. I called him the night after our last date. He seemed excited to hear from me. I called and left one message since then and called a couple more times with no answer, but he has caller i.d. My question is, would I be foolish to try to explain to him why I pulled away? Is it simply that he's lost interest or is it that he doesn't think I'm interested in him that way because I was cool? Any advice? Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 11:17am
On the 2nd date he is affectionate with you, hugging and kissing. You didn't say how receptive & responsive you were to him. Sounds like you didn't stop him. Then on the 3rd date he tries to kiss you and you pull away in cold rejection of his advance.

So which one is it? Are you receptive to him or are you rejecting of him? What he sees is that you have had a significant change between dates 2 and 3 and you rejected him soundly. That is seen as a lack of interest on your part. You went from a warm fish to a cold fish in 1 date.

Chances are is that he has accepted your rejection and has moved on to potentially greener pastures.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Sat, 09-18-2004 - 11:37am
I didn't completely reject him on the third date, but I probably wasn't any more receptive, maybe a little less. I felt ugly that day. It's really not that I'm a cold fish, wishy washy or any of that. I just have a very hard time with taking emotional risks. I've been hurt more than anyone can imagine since early childhood.

I appreciate getting a guy's perspective. The other thing is, he's changed his message machine from being his voice to being a recording. I always fear abandonment, that someone's going to stop liking me, etc. I don't show it much. In fact I don't show much of anything. I don't think he'll even accept my calls. Would a guy do that if he was afraid of being hurt by a girl? Or is he simply avoiding me for some other reason? Would it hurt to write him a letter explaining a little? I hope you're right about his simply feeling like there are greener pastures out there. I really liked him but I didn't show it much. Maybe he thinks I just want him as a friend, but I don't want to bug him if it's something else. Thanks.