did i make the right choice? help

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
did i make the right choice? help
3
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 1:11am
OK I'm 22 years old and just broke up with my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years. We lived together and were very serious, i was thinking about breaking up with him for over a year and i finally did it last week. He was a wonderful guy and treated me sooo well, i honestly thought he was the man i was going to marry. The problem was he never ever wanted to go out and do anything and he had no friends, weird huh. I got really bored and started to question the relationship. Also I never wanted to have sex with him anymore--it became a chore to even kiss him. Now, i'm trying to move on but in the back of my mind i keep thinking "oh no did i lose the man i was meant to be with?" Should i just ignore the thoughts?? I really dont miss him that much--but some days are worse than others. Thanx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 1:02pm

mak1369...

After 3.5 years...it sounds like you and your b/f were growing in different directions. People who live together (prior to marriage) often get tired of each other. Anyway...you wanted to be social and go out....he wanted to 'stay indoors!'

Pianoguy thinks the biggest issue here is that you had LOST YOUR DESIRE to be with your b/f. How can you possibly think of marrying a man you don't want to kiss...let alone have sex with? The answer is: YOU CAN'T!

However, you might want to use a little more CAUTION in the future?

Even though you're a 'free agent' now, if you play this same romantic "game" with other men you choose to date (or whatever)...you'll probably wind up very much alone? Frankly, there ARE women who should just date...basically because they would make lousy wives.

.

Look...you're only 22 years old! There are thousands of women who prefer to hold off on thoughts of starting a family until they reach the age of 30 or later! You've made your choice...now don't look back! Instead...ask yourself what you honestly want in a man so a similar scenerio doesn't show up in your future.

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 1:07pm
Where you happy before? It sure doesn't sound like it. Please please please don't forget- being with the person you are meant to be with will mean you are happy. Look, you don't even miss him. That alone should be enough to tell you you've made the right decision. Trust me, I was in your shoes once and the second I decided to move on I was so sure in my mind that I had made the right decision. It's been 5 years now and since then I haven't regretted it once!
 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Fri, 12-03-2004 - 8:43pm
Hi mak1369,
Bellina here,cheers- A bit of concern in your mixed emotions on leaving this relationship.You state that it was for 2plus years,and now you've discovered you don'tt
even enjoy kissing?If sex is a chore..this is not going to change.Unless he becomes someone more physically appealing to you and another lad! I seem to feel you're settling for convenience? You're too young and have a lifetime to find that special soomeone who you cannot wait to share kisses(a large part of a loving expression,in affections )when in love,or even chemistry with one another.How could you fathom having sex then witthout intimacy,trust,desire not feeling attracted on any level?Dearheart leave now and pray you'll find someone who will take your breath away,with sex appeal, compatiblity,,intellectual,mutual interests,shared values,etc..This is what you can find with the right person.Don't settle just to be "in" a relationship,okay,sweet? There's a world of opportunity awaiting regarding the right fellow for you.Now get out there and find that special lad!..Best wishes Bellina