Did I mess up?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2006
Did I mess up?
5
Tue, 07-18-2006 - 3:37pm
I am a newbie, so I will try not to be too long winded here. Here's the story:
I have been seeing a this guy for about 2 months or so. we have spent every Saturday evening together! (he works a different scheduled than me, so that's all we can do)..
I know this seems fast, but at first he was saying things to be like "I really like you", I like hanging out with you etc... so, last saturday night, after a couple of drinks I told him, in my drunken haze, that "I am crazy about you!".. then today when we spoke on the phone (we talk a couple of times a week), I told him I missed him! He did not say anything, so I said "oops, I should not of said that! and kind of played it off, he said, very nice, that "I could say whatever I wanted too".. so, why did he not say he missed me too? I sound like a 16 year old! I am 33 he is 28!! He was saying he liked me alot, now that he "won me over" he is kind of backing off? whats up with that? Am I reading too much into this, too soon? I really feel he does like me alot, and do not want to mess it up... any advice!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 12:15am

It appears the because it's been only 2 months of dating the "I miss you" made him realize that you yourself aren't just hanging out as friends, but that those words mean that you've gone a stage forth than him. It's possible that he's still in the hanging out stage without wanting to make it serious and exclusive. You appear to be emotionally invested already and he may not be. He may like your company and time together, BUT he may not be interested in moving to a more serious kind of dating.

I'd back off and just enoy the time together. You're just getting to know each other. He may have skeletons in his closet that you don't even know about. Wait and see.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2006
Fri, 07-21-2006 - 9:40am

"so, why did he not say he missed me too?"

Because maybe he didnt miss you. Maybe he had other things going on in the week that kept him busy. Maybe he is one of those people that doesnt really miss someone after just a week.

You've only been together 2 months, seeing each other once a week, its not like you have been with each other every day for a year and suddenly needed to spend a month apart.

Stop judging how he feels on how you feel. And never say something in the hope you will hear the same thing back.

Im sure he does still like you etc so try not to worry on that score. I realy think you are reading way too much into it at this moment in time. Just because he never said he missed you shouldnt give you cause for concern.

xx

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 1:40pm

I think the real way you "messed up" was by getting drunk and talking to this guy. Of course, I can't tell you not to drink, but I can suggest that you try to think ahead of your drinking, in the future. Don't get intoxicated to the point that you're likely to do things you'll regret, like "drunk dial" your date. And if he calls you after you've been drinking, tell him it's not a good time to talk and you'll call him back tomorrow. These precautions are to help you avoid doing exactly what you did... say something prematurely or (worse) say something stupid or inappropriate.

Next, I totally agree with the poster who advised you not to expect a reciprocal response when you express your feelings. I know it's awkward to blurt out "I miss you!" and have it hanging in the air with no reply. But you have to allow the other person to share his feelings in his own way and time. Maybe he didn't have time to miss you... maybe he simply isn't ready to make such a statement. Whatever the case, this episode might have been the wake up call you need to put yourself in check.

You didn't say if there were any other signs that he is "backing off"... such as whether he is calling less and talking to you less than he used to, or if he has slowed down in making dates, etc. Those behaviors will tell you what his intentions are. If he is as into you as you are into him, he won't run away because you told him you missed him. But you're getting drunk (especially if he's not much of a party-er himself) might very well make him turn cold on you.

I wish you luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 2:44pm

The most important thing he said to you was - "he said, very nice, that "I could say whatever I wanted too"". That should really be your focus. Just because he didn't say exactly what you expected to hear, doesn't make him wrong.

You haven't messed it up ... yet. If you proceed down the path of assuming he doesn't care or is no longer interested, just because you don't get what you want, when you want - you will mess this up. This is something that really frustrates men. We really dislike being falsely accused of something negative like that.

Keep your focus on the positive things, and you will do fine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 3:29pm
You didn't horrifically mess up but yeah, be a tad less "into it" and let him
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