Did I Misunderstand?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Did I Misunderstand?
6
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 4:16pm
Hi all! I'm kinda confused here. I'm just getting back into dating again (I'm in my 40s) and I'm wondering if others have experienced this. I recently ran into a man I used to work with. He was married at the time and I was newly divorced so wasn't looking. We got along well and had long talks at work about alot of different things. I hadn't seen him in 8 years when we happened to run into each other in the company's cafeteria. We chatted for several minutes, exchanged office phone numbers. A week later he came to my office to visit and we had a nice chat and he told me the reason he'd come by was to see if I had plans for the weekend and if not would I like to go to a movie and dinner afterwards with him. Here's the problem, I assumed he was asking me out, as in he's paying. When we got to the theater I was surprised when he only asked for one ticket. Thank God I had cash. Same with dinner. Did I just totally misunderstand him? Is there some code I need to know? Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2005
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 4:35pm

Hmm, that really is pretty interesting.

First of all, it definitely sounds like a date. The way that he asked you and the fact that it was just the two of you normally equals date. If it wasn't going to be a date, he should have specified before you guys went-- or while he was doing the asking.

Assuming it was a date, he definitely should have payed. Proper etiquette would be for whoever does the asking to pay. Therefore, since he asked you to both things (dinner and movie,) then he should pay.

But there are always those guys that refuse to pay for women, especially in the beginning because they don't want to spend money on someone when they really have no idea if 1) they'll enjoy themselves and therefore 2)whether it will be worth it.

Anyways, pretty confusing. Good luck figuring this one out!

~*~Gretal~*~

from Sarah- purplepolowraps

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 4:39pm
Ugh, no! You are not missing out on some code - that was rude. The rule is still whoever does the asking pays unless it is already agreed that this is not a "date" and that you are going out as friends and that dutch treat is in order. And for me, if a man asks me out, unless it's said straight out that we're going as friends or I KNOW we are just friends, I will assume that he's paying. I generally offer to pay for something, even on a first date (e.g., he pays for the movie tix, I offer to get popcorn; he pays for dinner, I get a round of drinks, etc.). But to me, it was presumptuous and rude of him to not attempt to pay for either your movie or dinner if it was truly a date.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 6:25pm

Thanks to both of you for responding. I didn't think I could be that dense! I don't mind paying for something on a first date or even reciprocating as in next time's on me. I'm just glad I had cash on hand or it could have been embarassing. Actually, I should have mentioned that he had ample opportunity to say this was just a friendly get together as opposed to a date as he called twice before the actual date to firm up plans, get directions to my home, etc. Both times he told me how much he was looking forward to our evening out. I'll be a little more wary if he invites me out again.

Thanks again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 8:08pm
No. You're definately not dense. The only thing you could have misunderstood, was not expecting him to be a cheapskate!

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2005
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 8:59pm
Ugh, in my opinion. I wouldn't even go out with him again. I never expect something but in this situation if had come by MY place of work and asked ME to dinner and a movie I would have totally thought it was a date and wouldn't have thought twice about it. That is just really unusual to me. Im sorry but I wouldn't give this guy the time of day again. I am just as confused as you are and wouldn't allow myself to be anymore confused about the situation. Good luck and move on honey!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Tue, 09-06-2005 - 10:02pm

I would have thought the same thing! If a person asks you out, he usually pays.

,