Did I open up too quickly?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2004
Did I open up too quickly?
2
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 12:44pm

I have a huge problem!! I have always been known as "always the friend, never the girlfriend." I feel really comfortable around guys and have a lot of great platonic relationships. The only problem is that I while I harbor crushes on some of these guys, they never want to make it more than friends. I've never really been an agressive person in the dating department because I'm really scared of rejection. So I wait until I'm sure that someone is really, really into me before I make a move. However, all of this went out of the window when I met someone at college. We work together and have a blast just hanging out and joking around all the time. He always jokes around with me and coworkers about us getting together and having a fling or something. I ended up developing a HUGE crush on this guy, and couldn't take the jokes anymore until I knew how he really felt. So I called him one night and we talked about it for two hours. The main problem is that I really like him, but am a virgin for religious reasons and am planning on staying one until I get married. I told him right up front so there would be problems down the road. He was really fine with that and by the end of the conversation, he said that he really was interested in pursuing a relationship with me. He said he was really flattered and was excited that I had made the first move. But, the next day, he ignored me completely and I tried being really cool about it. Being that open that quickly with a guy is totally out of character for me. Did I bring the virgin thing up too quickly? Should I give it some time? I'm really confused!!!!

Confused and Heartbroken

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2004
Wed, 12-08-2004 - 12:58pm

Hi there,

I think that it's great that you decided to take a step forward. Telling him the truth and standing by your beliefs are two great character qualities. So, don't regret what you've done. It took a lot of guts. As far as him ignoring you...try, no matter how hard it is, to stand your ground and be "cool" with it. Yes, it will hurt that he is acting like a jerk...but don't take it personally. He may really be interested in you, but at the same time he is a guy and he has needs....so he may be confused.

So, keep your distance. If he respects you...trust me he will eventually come around. And if he doesn't come around...let it go. You're young and there will be many other men who walk into your life. Just be yourself...and don't let this situation scare you from being honest w/other men in the future.

trust your instinct and things will fall into place.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
Thu, 12-09-2004 - 6:09am
Cheers forsinatra!
Bellina here! Well you are very honest for stating your values upfront and that virginity is important to your beliefs.Most youngmen especially college age are in hot pursuit,with raging hormones to get totally intimate all too fast.If he however claims to be alright with your values,then despite those hormones should pursue getting to know you first.Unfortunate if he can't understand someone as special as you are and it will be his loss.There are many people who still admire and can respect your lifestyle,especially if they're deeply spiritual or religious.Don't fret,if he's still interested in more than a sexual relationship,then you can agree to go out.Never compromise your integrity,values,beliefs for someone who doesn't share the same beliefs.You'll meet someone who does as you're still young. Best wishes,Bellina