Did I overreact?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2004
Did I overreact?
17
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 12:36am

I go over to a new guy's house. (This is only our 2nd meeting.) His phone rings. He goes to see who it is & lets it go to voicemail. Phone rings again. Finally, I say, "Your phone is ringing again. Shouldn't you see who it is?" So, he does. He stays on the phone with this girl (I could hear her voice) & part of their conversation was "you are still sleeping with a guy that has a girlfriend". After sitting there on the couch ALONE for 15-20 minutes I finally told him I was leaving. He then chases me to the stairwell & says "where are you going"? I told him, "I didn't come over to be ignored". He didn't say a word & just let me leave. I haven't heard from him since.

Did I overreact? I thought this was VERY rude & VERY inconsiderate especially since this was only our 2nd meeting/DATE!!! I feel like he just chose some other girl instead of me! Anyone else think he was an a-hole?! UGH! Now I am feeling like I blew it and I should have stuck around? Did I blow it?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 8:33am
Nope no overreacting, it is completely rude to take a phone call for 20 minutes while you are on a date.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 9:30am
Not overreacting at all...that is SUCH a rude thing to do, I would have walked out as well. You don't invite someone over and then start having a phone convo for 20 mins, there was no need for that. He could have called her back after you had gone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 1:03pm

i have a different take on it....you said the first time the phone rang he let it go to voicemail, so he was not interested in talking to this person.

You said it rang again and YOU told him to answer it which he did. Why did'nt you let him decide that for himself, maybe he thought you were okay with it. Well....just a different point of view.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 1:23pm

I agree with this point of view. She tells him to answer the phone (or whatever) then holds him accountable for not meeting her needs. That's a mixed message. Sure he *should* have gotten off the phone within a few minutes but from his perspective she was OK with the idea that he take the call.

Who knows, it may have been some sort of test.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2003
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 1:50pm
I'm curious what kind of test was he doing?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 1:56pm
Maybe I worded it poorly. I don't think HE was testing HER. Maybe SHE was testing HIM to see what he would do if a phone call came in while she was there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 2:38pm

I don't know spice, I'm perfectly okay with someone answering a phone while on a date, but having a 20 minute phone call while your date sits there being ignored is another. The guy could have said, Hi, thanks for calling I have company right now, I'll call you later. That would have taken less then 2 mins. But 20 mins...is rude.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 2:57pm

Hi, I do think that you overreacted a bit, and here are couple of things...
First, were there actually a 20 minutes conversation between the guy and the girl? I'm not saying anything, but you know, sometimes when you are in a situation like that, 2 minutes seem like an eternity.
Secondly, I've been through that...and still am.
Like I mean the guy is allowed to have other friends (girls), or he cannot control who calls him and when. He did ignore the first call, and when you mentioned the second one, he answered it, thinking that it was OK with you.
I've been through that, and when he doesn't answer, well, it's a different ball game. I feel that he's hiding stuff from me, and I did catch him saying that "oh, it's Dave, I'll call him later", when in fact was a girl.

So, in a nutshell, you should not have left. It's the conversation after the call, between him and you, that should have been more improtant. Now that you left, what's a guy who doesn't know you very well gonna think? You know, some people, don't take rejections very well, and to him, you rejected him. Or, he thinks you are way too gelaous or impatient and he doesnt like that.

Like I said, in my opinnion, you should have stuck around...and discuss it.

Take care

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 3:09pm

Personally for me I would not stay on the phone for 20 minutes unless there was a serious issue at hand. However what we don't know are the other circumstances with this story. We are only hearing 1 side of it and exclusively from her perspective.

I have to wonder - did he feel that he was given full permission from her to take the call by the way she told him to answer the phone? Did she say - go ahead and talk for a bit, then get upset when HER definition of a reasonable time expired.

There are too many loose ends here to really know.

I think she over-reacted by the way she walked out. If this is a serious issue to her then why not talk about it so he knows exactly her expectations. I'm not a fan of the "one strike and you're out" philosphy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2004
Thu, 12-02-2004 - 3:30pm
I agree with you, spice...She could have been ok with it, like ..."yah, go ahead and talk", but as soon as the other person was a girl, or something else was mentioned in the conversation, she started to overreact. I've experience calls between my boyfriend and someone else, like ..."yah, we'll get together for coffee. I can't really talk now"...
Well, let me tell you how upset I'd be, just to find out that it was his buddy who knew I was with him at the time of the call, and just didn't want my boyfriend to discuss his problems. And it was confirmed, that it was his buddy on the phone.

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