did something bad...now feeling insecure

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2006
did something bad...now feeling insecure
1
Fri, 06-16-2006 - 9:15pm

Hi everyone,

I have been with my bf for 2 years and we have had our ups and down but for the past several months, we have been very happy and rarely argue. Well I recently went on a vacation without him (I wanted him to come but he couldnt due to work committments)and one night I got very intoxicated (we were drinking for about 10 hours) and I know that when I am that drunk, I am quite out of control. Well, I kissed my friend's friend and I cannot even believe I did that considering that there is nothing (well I do not think there is) that is missing in my relationship with my boyfriend. I love him very much and I would never do anything to intentionally to hurt him. Well here I am. I am back now and I have not seen my boyfriend as he is away himself. He told me he was going out and all of a sudden I started to feel extremely insecure and I have not felt that insecure in a long long time. Of course I know it is caused by what I did because unconsciously I am thinking in my head he might do what I did while I was away. I know that if I tell my boyfriend that I kissed someone while I was away (it was just a kiss and I had no intention to do anything else, I wouldnt cross that line), I know the relationship would be over that moment, no questions about it. So I pretty much know that I will not tell him and I also know that I simply cannot drink to that point again where I am that out of control. So now I am wondering what I can do to stop thinking this way about my boyfriend (which stems from my own mistake), I know he wouldnt cheat on me, he has never given me any reason to doubt him or anything, so that isnt it. What do I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Sat, 06-17-2006 - 3:37am
Suddenly, you feel insecure because you did cheat on your BF. Even if you had too much to drink -as you stated- and that it was just a kiss you did cheat. You say you had no intentions of going further than a kiss so you were in control of your actions, you knew better than having sex with the guy. You just wanted to kiss him. You shared an intimate act with someone who wasn't your loved one. You never felt insecure because you had never cheated before. Now you feel that your BF could cheat while away just the way you did. Having a few drinks, meeting an attractive and willing girl.... You say you'd never tell him, but that event will always be in the back of your mind, that's why you still think about it. If you tell him the relationship will be over you think. I wonder if he did the same thing as you did, because it could happen, would the relationship be over? Do you think that the event will in time get to your BF's ears? If you don't plan on telling him cover all your bases. A liar falls faster than a one legged man.