Different "should I call him?" situation

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Different "should I call him?" situation
10
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 3:18pm
OK, I read the other "should I call him" discussion and it was a very different one than mine so I thought I would ask for some opinions. I met a guy through and online service and he seemed GREAT! We exchanged emails back and forth almost every day and then exchanged phone numbers late the week before last. We talked on the phone last Monday for over an hour - we just kept talking and talking about stuff. At the end of the convo, he seemed very interested in talking to me again. He said something about talking later in the week but I reminded him I was going out of town. At that point he said, "well we can still chat by email, right? And then we can talk when you get back." After that, I was optimistic that things were going well and that we'd talk again. I sent him an email the next day and mentioned that I had enjoyed talking to him and just had another one of our "conversational emails" like we'd been having for a few weeks. I have heard nothing from him since. I sent a really brief email last Friday to just say hi but nothing.

Will I look like a desperate, needy, clingy idiot if I call him? I really like what I know of this guy so far and just want to explore things and maybe get to know him better. I'm not asking to get married, for a commitment or even a date! I'd just like to talk to him. What should I do? I am really confused and a little upset and just don't know what to do. Any opinions - please??

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 4:05pm
Maybe he's not ignoring you, maybe something happened and he just hasn't had time to call or email. I would maybe call him and just see what's up. guys can be very mysterious sometimes. I know that this isn't great help but i would call and mean like you said you dont plan to marry him so if it doesn't go well then theres nothing to worry just move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 4:18pm
Thanks - it is a help. It is just so frustrating when we were communicating nearly daily and then over a week goes by with nothing. And hey - if it works out well, who knows what could happen? He seems like a good guy. But why do men do this - they are very attentive for a while and then just disappear!

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 4:28pm
Ugh, this type of thing happens *all the time* in online dating situations. If you're going to do online dating, you need to get used to it and develop a thick skin...I'm not saying it's right or polite, but it's the way things are.

I wouldn't contact him again...you've already sent him two unreturned emails. He knows you're interested and he knows how to get in touch with you.

For future reference, I would recommend keeping emails and phone calls to a minimum prior to arranging a brief meeting for coffee. Most of us who are experienced in online dating have found that exchanging a handful of emails and talking on the phone once briefly works to weed out those we're not interested in meeting. You need to meet in person to see if there's really any chemistry.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 4:28pm
well I have a similar problem. I met a guy and he lives 6 hours away. I went to visit him for a whole week, the week went great. He said nothing but the sweetest things all week and before i went to see him we talked on the phone eveyday for 2 wks. Then at the airport the goodbye was short nothing to it. and it's like he has done a 360 and i don't know what to say. and guys say we are hard to figure ha! I mean I want to ask him what's up but I don't want to be too forward. but the way he acted while i was there, it seemed like he was really into me. he doesn't call like he did before but he is still going to my best friends wedding with me the end of aug. and that will be the next time i see him. guys are so hard to read. but i'm at the point now i'm just not going to worry about it if somethings comes out of this then good if not i had fun while it lasted life is too short to worry so much. hope everything works out good luck sorry about the typing i'm kind of in a hurry
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 6:05pm
I understand what you are saying about the weeding out and all that, but if after the phone call, he wasn't interested in anything more, he could have just said, "Nice talking to ya, bye." But he was much more enthusiastic about talking to me again than I was. He said something like "Well, I will talk to you later in the week, right?" and then seemed disappointed when we wouldn't. I just don't get it. It never sounded like he was not interested - quite the contrary. I guess I am just disappointed that something that seemed so promising and good is now just up in smoke.

I also understand what you are saying about the communication and all, but I think I just somehow have to go with one more phone call, suggest meeting in person to see if there is chemistry before giving up. There has been enormous chemistry and common interests so far (we have near parallel lives while still having both common and different yet complementary interests). But if I get nothing from that, that's it.


Edited 8/4/2004 6:13 pm ET ET by vexer_hw

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 6:21pm
Oh, I wasn't saying HE wasn't interested...all I can say, again, is that it happens ALL THE TIME. Men who seem positively besides themselves with anticipation to meet you disappear without a trace frequently when you are doing online dating!

The weeding out comment was for you, not him. There's no need to spend hours on the phone. If after a couple of emails and a short phone call, he seems like someone you'd want to meet, then meet for coffee and take it to real life ASAP.

Sheri


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 6:32pm
OK - I'm with you now. Thanks for the advice - I have been trying the online thing with not a lot of luck in finding anyone I even really want to date and then I finally do, I am just not all that willing to just drop it so fast. But yeah, I think on this phone call (if I even get a hold of him), I will ask to meet for coffee or lunch or something and we can go from there. If I don't get a hold of him or don't hear back, I'll move on to the next one and see if I can find someone else.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 10:37pm
Well, I got my answer. He said he is pursuing another relationship. Oh well. I guess I haven't lost much but at least I have an answer. Thanks for the advice on the online thing. This sure isn't easy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 10:53am
He might just have felt, 'Well, she's going out of town. We'll talk when she gets back'.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Thu, 08-05-2004 - 1:18pm
I was going to say... when a man suddenly stops contacting you, it usually means he's seeing someone else. I'm sorry it didn't work out, but at least he was honest with you about it when you asked.

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