Dilema

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
Dilema
6
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 12:32pm

I have been dating this guy for 2 and a half months and we got close kinda fast. Well the dilema i am in is that he is divorced with 2 kids that are almost grown which he is real close to which i have always admired and respected in a guy. The problem is that i am just getting to know him and his 17 year old is living with him, which also is not the problem. The problem is he wants her involved in everything we do even if its just to go do laundry or to the gas station or go out with friends which we dont do very often. It was not like this the first 2 months but i just feel like we are in the getting to know eachother stage and thats impossible if we dont have ANY time alone. I do not feel like I am a selfish person or being unreasonable. I really care alot about this guy but i dont think I can continue our relationship like this and I dont know if it is something i can talk to him about without sounding selfish. Am I being unreasonable? Or is it something I should discuss with him. I dont know how to handle it and I dont want to lose him unless there is no way it will change. Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: meshell_65459
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 12:37pm
I don't think this is selfish at all. Tell him how you feel. A relationship is about 2 people, not three. Having his daughter in the picture is sort of a buffer, he knows he won't fall into any deep conversations with you in her presence.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
In reply to: meshell_65459
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 12:40pm
Thank You. How do I tell him without sounding like i am being selfish or wanting to come in between their relationship?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: meshell_65459
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 12:58pm

Tell him that in order for the romantic relationship to grow and progress in a positive manner there needs to be more alone time with him. Tell him you like his daughter and she may be included in some of things the two of you do together but you would a few nights a week to be along with him for a few hours or more.

I don't think you would come off selfish but rather as a confident person that is interested in having a healthy relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2005
In reply to: meshell_65459
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 1:53pm

Basically you're being included in all family "chores, duties, and obligations"......that simply means he considers you someone to interact with all the time - but he's always doing what he does because of his own agenda, needs, and requirements.

I did that....I went from two months of dating....to 7 years and 8 months of manual labor, and a whole lto more in a marriage before I got out.

You don't get a second chance to make a good first impression...but if the second impression doesn't match it - the first is an act.

This isn't going to "change".

He's doing this becuase he believes it's right and his right...just like when he was romancing you - that was the right thing to do at that point in the relationship. Now, it's time for you to earn your keep.

Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2005
In reply to: meshell_65459
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 2:50pm
You are so right. He does what he wants to do on the weekends (the only time i really have free) and if he cant do what he wants to do its a mess. He wants to take his 17 year old daughter out with us on New Years Eve and everywhere else. If I want to do something and it dont include his daughter then its out of the question or we have to be home at a certian time to make sure she is not "alone" which if she was younger I would understand. Thank You so much for your help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
In reply to: meshell_65459
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 6:26pm

The only thing you can do is tell him what you feel.

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