Dilemma

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Dilemma
7
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 11:39pm
Hello,

I have a dilemma that I hope you can help me with. I have been going to a gym for the last month. I think I have a crush on one of the trainers there! We've been exchanging smiles for a month. Once he came up to me and asked how I was doing. He said he hadn't seen me around for a few days. Yesterday, I found the courage to talk to him and introduce myself. I told him I was new to the gym experience, (which is true)and I asked if I could come to him for pointers. He readily agreed. We made a little small talk after that. When I saw him today, he seemed to be in a hurry. He briefly touched my arm and said hello.

I don't know if I should ask him out or not. And if I do, how should I do that without making him feel that I am throwing myself at him. I've in my late twenties, and I have never asked a man out. Also, if I ask him out and he refuses, how do I save my face?

Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: sugar_spice2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 9:47am
I wouldn't ask him out. You can if you want, but he might feel you are throwing yourself at him, and it sounds like that is how you will feel. You probably WANT to ask him out simply because you want to go out with him, but you also want him to WANT to go out with you. If you wait until he asks you out, you will at least KNOW he wants to go out with you. I think it would be harder to ask him out and find out he isn't interested when he turns you down. Just keep up the smiles and casual conversation. If he doesn't ask you out, then keep your eye out for other cute guys there.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
In reply to: sugar_spice2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 3:50pm
Well you really shouldnt ask him out yet, if you're planning to. At least wait a while until you are sure he likes you or is interested. Keep on making eye contact with him and smile, let him know you are happy to see him. You dont want to come on too strong, he might get frightened. Well, Good luck with him and give it some time, he might just be friendly with you because you are new and wants you to feel comfortable, or he might really like you!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: sugar_spice2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 5:28pm
Personal trainers have to be friendly and even a little flirtatious as part of their job - it is how they get clients. If he is sincerely interested in you and available (and you already know he's not the shy type) he will ask you out on a proper date - asking ihm out likely will flatter him but it won't be effective if you are looking to date him in the context of a relationship as opposed to just a one night stand or a fling.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
In reply to: sugar_spice2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 6:12pm
Thank you all for your prompt and helpful replies. I just found out that he's 40! So, even if he were interested, the age difference would be overe 11 years!

Also, Deena33, you bring about a good point about personal trainers having to be flirtatious. However, the other trainers at the club don't behave like that. This guy waves to me across the room every single time I'm there.

Oh well... it doesn't matter anymore! :-(

But thank you all, anyway.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
In reply to: sugar_spice2004
Sat, 03-06-2004 - 11:44am
Eleven years! That's nothing. If you are interested in him, I wouldn't give it another thought.

It's true that as a trainer it's his job to be friendly, if not flirtatious. At the club where I work out, the people at the reception desk are mostly beautiful young women who are obviously trained to flirt with the mostly male clientele, especially well to do middle aged men.

Here's another thing, though: a male trainer may be trained not to hit on the female clientele. He might be very reluctant to pursue you even if he is interested. So I'd continue to let him know you're interested. If he is interested in you, eventually he'll figure out how to let you know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
In reply to: sugar_spice2004
Sun, 03-07-2004 - 1:48am
That's a good idea, Truelove2001. Any ideas on how I can continue to show my interest? And thank you for your input.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
In reply to: sugar_spice2004
Sun, 03-07-2004 - 11:58am
Sounds like you're doing pretty well so far. I'd keep talking with him and flirting with him but don't overdo it. You might get around to talking about things outside the workout place, other interests. That way he'll get the idea you might be interested in him outside the setting of the club, in case there's any doubt.