disappearing act

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2014
disappearing act
2
Tue, 02-18-2014 - 11:19pm

Hello,

First off I want to thank anyone who will give me some advice on this as I have been struggling with this situation quite a bit:

I broke up with my ex boyfriend of 5 years last year.  Pretty soon after I started trying to go out and meet new people to move forward with my life, but was not really ready for anything serious, just to go out, have fun and meet nice men. A few months after the break up, I met this new guy, M., who was so respectful and attentive and sweet, that I decided to give him a chance and go to dinner with him.  However, although I had a great time with him, my mind was still taken by my ex boyfriend who was trying to make things work out between us.. I even went on vacation with my ex. a few times in the last year to figure things out with him, but it eventually did not work out. In the mean time,  I would keep in touch with M. every few weeks with a quick text, was very clear with my situation and he was very patient and just kept in touch.

Fast forward  a few months  when I finally reconnected with M. after finally breaking things off with my ex. When we reconnected, M. and I went out several times a week, had so much fun, I met all his friends, he invited me to spend christmas with his family (I did not go, I wasn't ready) and we would keep in touch on a daily basis. He would say he liked me a lot, missed me, seemed so sweet and honest, but.. in the past 3 weeks, texts became more rare, he would forget to call me back, would no longer plan dates for us, only call me late at night.  We never slept togehter but slept a couple of times in the same bed and had a great physical connection nonetheless.  

2 weeks ago, the last night I last saw him, he was asking me if I would go with him on vacation, he took care of my dog, that he was starting to have these loving feelings for me, etc..It was hard for me to open up to him and trust him, but he knew how hard my last year had been and saw that he had stuck around, so I decided to sleep with him. Then poof,he completely disappeared.  it's almost been  2 weeks and I have not heard from him at all. Nothing, not even a text.  I feel terrible, I don't know how to interpret what happened.  I know we had both agreed it was too soon to be in a relationship, I was ok with him seeing other people (which he told me he wasn't) and me dating others for a bit, but to be honest, I liked him.  I also know that from the beginning he has always been scared of commitment, as he had gone from one long relationship to another and has been single for a year now, but he said he would be ready for the right girl.

Now I am just so stuck on this. I haven't called him (I deleted his number so I can't anyways). I also was chasing him a bit too much towards the end (texting him as soon as he would texct me back, always available for him, etc, and he started to not reciprocate, so I don't really want to contact him anymore. The last text was from my side). Should I wait for him to contact me? Did I scare him away?  Can he just switch his feelings off so quickly for me? did he lie to me about his feelings?

Also, I know that I should keep on moving forward with my life.. I planned a trip out of town to get my mind off of things (including the fact that I found out my ex has moved on, which hurt a bit). But deep down I keep having the hope that he wasn't lying to me about caring about me, and that he will eventually contact me again. We were not officially together, but he disappeared on me and it hurst. Should I just forget about him, or is there a hope he'll contact me again? On one side, I feel like if he was just using me, he would have lost interest a long time ago because I was not having sex with him, and was in a complicated situation. However, someone disappearing is a typical trait of a player.

I would really love some advice on how to handle this situation.. Thank you for reading this, at least writing this out has helped me vent a bit :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2013
Wed, 07-16-2014 - 2:47pm

Hey,

Im going through something semi similar and I was just wondering if you ever heard from him again? And what has happened since your post?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-11-2013
Wed, 07-16-2014 - 2:47pm

Hey,

Im going through something semi similar and I was just wondering if you ever heard from him again? And what has happened since your post?