disappearing man

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
disappearing man
10
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 12:30pm
I am need of some kind of realistic support and advice. I met a man recently, and we hit it off right away. Everything was going great for a couple of weeks...He called me nearly everyday...We made plans to do things...We kissed all the time. He never pressured me to jump into bed, even though we have this amazing chemistry. Even my friends noticed. I should also mention that I am 31 years old. He is 29. We are not kids, and we are both fully employed, and drug free. Anyway, things were moving very smoothly. Not too fast...Not too slow. Then, suddenly he stops calling me. Several days go by, and I decide to call him. I left a VM, and he called me back right away. We talked a bit, but he didn't seem to want to make any plans to see me. I did ask him what he was up to over the weekend, and invited him down to the beach. The funny thing is he said he would call me back, but never did. A full week (7days) wend by, and I decided to send him a simple email. "how are you?" was all I wrote. He wrote back right away, and apologized for disappearing..he had a lot going on, blah blah blah...Then also says he'll call me later today, and we'll talk. That was yesterday. He hasn't called. I know I'm obsessing over this, but I don't understand why he says he will call, and then doesn't. I haven't seen him in over 2 weeks now. I want to just forget about him, but my overly optimistic friends are telling me to not give up hope. I just feel like a fool. What is it with guys who say they'll call, and don't?? I know this happens a lot. I really like this guy, but I don't want to pressure him for anything right now. Any advice would be appreciated.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 12:38pm
He probably got scared.

If I were you, I'd back off. No emails, no calls, no messages. NOTHING.

Men are strange at times. Just let it be. You've done all you could. By backing off some, he may come around and wonder what happened to you.

Don't bother him again. Let him be. He sounds unsure of what he wants right now and I'm sure it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 12:50pm
I know...I have no plans of contacting him again. The funny thing is, I don't think he has any reason to be scared of me. I'm very mellow and easy to be around. I never pressured him, or asked stupid questions about his past relationships. We were just hanging out, enjoying each other's company. Then, Poof! he's gone. I've heard of guys like this, but never had one myself. It's just kind of strange. I guess I'll see if he ever calls.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 12:52pm
I just posted something quite similar to this. I am 26 and he is 28. We went through the same thing. He would always call, send text messages, etc. We saw each other and each time had a blast. Next thing I know, he drops off the face of the earth. Its been a week since I last talked to him. Its bothering me too. Im thinking its because he wants some space. I thought that his calling me all the time gave me the go ahead to call him too. Well, I am thinking I should have been less available from the begining and maybe he would still be calling me. I dont know why men have to be so difficult. Its confusing and it makes me think it has to do with me. I am sure thats how you felt too. I guess what we have to do is brush our shoulders off and move on. Its too bad though bc if your guy was anything like mine, you dont want to see it end so soon.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 1:01pm
Yeah, I know this happens a lot. It's tough to move on when there's no closure. I don't know if you being avaiable had anything to do with it. I was hardly ever available, since I run my own business. I was actually feeling quite the opposite. Maybe I should have been more available. Who knows. I just need to talk about it, and come to some sort of conclusion on my own. And yes, he is just an amazing guy. I thought he seemed to good to be true when I first met him. I guess maybe he is. Maybe he's a gigilo. Maybe he's the same guy!...ha ha ..j/k
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 1:18pm
By my saying that he got scared, I didn't mean to imply scared of you, I meant scared of the scenario and probably what he was feeling.

He probably wants someone, not sure he wants someone. Maybe there are some things going on in his personal life that he needs to straighten out.

Like I said, I'm sure it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 1:30pm
yeah, I know what you mean. I'm sure he has other things going on. I just wish I knew what they were. Not knowing is difficult..and not knowing what will happen is excruciating! Okay, I need to get back to work. Thanks for the support. I really appreciate it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 08-04-2004 - 1:34pm
I think you're right not to call. Let the guy come to you if he wants to continue, and in the meantime you can go out and date other guys.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-19-2004
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 2:36am
Maybe he is recoving from his last relationship. It just happened to me. The guy I went out about 1 & half month seems perfect. After the last very good date, he suddenly rang me & said that he didn't think it will work for a long run. I was totally in shock! Now, we said we want to be friend. He told me he re-established contact with his ex-girl friend. :-( Well, be prepared that anything can happen when you are dating. He might be perfect for you, but he doesn't have to be yours.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 7:49am
Dusty Star,

You are obviously a nice person by being concerned about this guy, but like I told another individual if a guy is giving you his attention he is locked on to you.

If he is not giving you attention be worried.

I am not saying this is 100% fact, but from a guy's perspective it is. He knows how you feel the problem with men is we don't realize we hurt you by saying we will call and then don't. Men take things at face value and don't read into things. Women make the mistake in try to analyze each move a man makes.

Thus men cause women pain and honestly don't mean it.

I sure hope he calls you he should you know some men don't know what they have until its gone.

If you have any other questions please let me know, I do understand.

Andrew

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 11:22am

Hon, sounds like this guy has moved on from you.

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