Discussing Past Relationships

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2006
Discussing Past Relationships
2
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 2:58pm
I've decided to put myself back on the 'dating market' after almost a year of being single. My most recent relationship was an engagement and it ended after my fiance cheated on me. My concern is that, inevitably, the subject of past relationships will come up when I'm getting to know new people and I'm wondering how I should approach it, given my last experience. I don't want to come across as bitter or (worse) pathetic, but at the same time I want to be honest. My fiance and I just didn't "go separate ways". I'm also a little afraid of being percieved as "damaged goods" - I mean, the last guy that asked me to marry him changed his mind before we reached the altar.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 3:24pm

A mature and honorable man won't see you as "damaged goods" as long as you are fair, reasonable and honest. We've all had our moments in past relationships and sometimes it makes us better people overall.

The one thing that will push away men is if you hold them accountable for wrongs that happened in your past relationships. It's a new day and he's a new guy. The past is gone and can never be changed. Keeping focus on positive future growth will help produce positive results.

ps. You don't need to go into specific details about your past. The Readers Digest version is often more than enough. You having a positive outlook is far more important than being stuck in the past.




Edited 6/5/2006 3:28 pm ET by spice.man
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Mon, 06-05-2006 - 8:31pm

You don't have to divulge all to someone you're just getting to know. Most single people out there have had failed relationships (otherwise they wouldn't be single!) and understand that these do not necessarily reflect on the individual. In fact, if you can convey that you've grown from your experiences and used them to draw lessons and figure out what you are looking for in a relationship, I think this would make you more attractive to whomever you're dating.

I understand bitterness after failed relationships, but you don't need to project this to men you're dating. You can draw wisdom and perspective from your previous relationships and this, I think, will aid you in navigating future relationships. I agree, men are likely to find bitterness unattractive, but if you can instead turn that bitterness into wisdom and project this, I strongly believe you won't feel hindered in dating by your past experiences.

Good luck.