disfunctional relationship

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
disfunctional relationship
2
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 3:06pm
my situation is very complicated

i have been with the father of my children for 8 years off & on he has treated me bad for the whole time but i feel like maby its something i am doing

recently i left him for about 9 months thanks giving last year

he moved to yucca valley & i stayed in orange county

i got in a badn spot & felt like coming here & living w/ him was what is right for myself & my kids but my kids are happy but i am tottally confused i dont know if i even love him anymore then i feel like maby i am not giving it a chance but he has hurt me so bad & so many times over the years & i dont think i want to risk that any more but he makes me feel like the reason he was so mean to me was because of me & i am not sure then some times i feel like i should leave but then i feel bad for him or like what if i am making a mistake & i do love him & am ment to be with him


very confusing please help......

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 3:17pm
You're being manipulated. It's not your fault that he's a jerk and is treating you bad- believe me there is NOTHING in the world that you did or did not do to deserve wrong treatment. If you're being treated bad, it's because HE'S feeling that he has a right to treat you that way. He's now manipulated you into thinking you deserve it. How does that work for you?

What you need to do is get your self esteem back and see that this man is only keeping you down. Stand up for yourself and your children and leave him.

Even if you were to change everything about yourself into what he says he wants, he would still treat you badly, because he's not a good person. He's a user and an abuser.

I think you deserve to be happy and in a healthy frame of mind. You don't need to be with a man to be complete. A man does not, and should not, define who YOU are. A man is a side dish to your main course.

So after you kick this man to the curb and spend some time getting your self back together and working on your self esteem to realize that you are a good person who deserves the best, then you will meet the man who will treat you like a princess in the fairy tale books and you'll be wondering why you spent all those years with someone who treated you lower than garbage.

I wish you strength.

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 6:21pm
thank you very much that is very good insight

thank you for helping me open my eyes