Divorce- is it a turn off for men?
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Divorce- is it a turn off for men?
| Sun, 04-11-2004 - 11:51pm |
I am 20, got married at 18 and divorced this January. Since my divorce I have felt great about being free to date again after 2 years of being stuck with one person. I got married too young and things didnt work out for us, AT ALL. I have been trying to get back into the dating scene, but it has been a struggle for me. To start, I am in college and working. I meet some guys at work, but I am a checker at a grocery store and I cant very well ask for their number in line or anything. So, I have begun to try and get in touch with some old friends, talk to a few old boyfriends and so on. The old boyfriends are all over me, but they are EXes for a reason and to me, they are a turn down the wrogn road. I guess I am here because there are a few other guys that I have talked to, really good looking guys, and they seem really interested in me and ask me why I dont have a boyfriend or they already knew I was married and I haev to tell them I am divorced. Three times in the past two months a nice, hot guy, has asked for my number and I say call me later, maybe we can go get ice cream or somthing. Not once have any of them called me! I sound concieted and maybe I am, but I have never had a problem getting guys before. It hurts and I already feel rejected because of my divorce, this whole thing with no guys ever calling me it making me feel worse. Do you think they can tell I am "on the prowl"? Is it a turn off to a younger guy to date a girl that is very obviously "used"? Should I approah them differently or make a comment about how the divorce is no big deal or somthing? Any ideas here? I'd like to have a hot guy to just hang out with, not even ANOTHER commitment, I dont want that at all... should I tell them that or would it freak a guy out? How can I let them know that I am not chasing them? Should I start taking THEIR number? Are guys just that retarded that they forget to call? Uggg, I am stressing about nothing, but this is really getting to me.
Any advice is accepted and appriciated
Kristi

Uh, you are on the prowl; nothing wrong with that (if you can handle it), unless your approach has an edge.
They probably do not see you as "used." It would probably be a mistake to assume that the "used" thought process governs more that a few percent of the cases. You are as attractive as you ever were, I am sure, so, there must be something else, huh?
Well, as you know, most of us are taught that marriage is something very special and not something to be entered into lightly. We are told to spend time getting to know our fiance, well, first, then work hard at maintaining the relationship once you are married. We are taught that it is a "sacred" and "holy" bond that requires "reverence and respect." We are taught that love has specific virtues and that the marriage bond deserves all of those virtues, and if they are given properly by the married couple, to one another and to the marriage, the marriage will produce its own virtues.
If I am 19 - 25 and I am looking for a girlfriend that may eventually become my fiance and someday my wife, I may want someone who has not been married. And, I may be VERY definite about that requirement. I may act like that doesn't matter when in front of my friends, etc., but is is very important in my thought process.
So, if you are "on the prowl" as you put it, and they are aware that you have been married, they may think many things. Not that all of those things are true, however, that does not stop people from choosing an easier, less risky path.
Some of the things they may think are:
If I am looking for a life partner, this person does not have a track record of respecting commitment.
or
If I am looking for a sex partner, this person may be looking for more of a relationship than I am interested in pursuing.
or
If I am looking for a friend, this person may require a lot of my time due to her circumstances, and I may not get much support from her.
or
If I am young and inexperienced, this person may be too sophisticated for me.
I do not know you but I do know people. Your situation requires a delicate and well considered approach. Your responses to the concerns of potential suitors may also blow them out. You really should take some time and think your way through all of this.
Best of luck,
dh
Edited 4/12/2004 2:41 am ET ET by idarkhorse
Seems like many of the younger guys can't handle divorce or children. They're too young and inexperienced to relate. Unfortunately, you may see a lot of this until you get older. But hang in, I found a great compassionate understanding guy- you will too!
Be happy that you got out of an unhappy marriage, and that you are trying to better yourself by going to college and working.