Do ex's have to called "ex's"
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Do ex's have to called "ex's"
| Mon, 06-12-2006 - 7:59pm |
If an ex is a "friend", is it even necessary to call them an "ex"? Does this tag have to remain forever? I think it breeds unnecessary insecurities and complications when an ex comes in the picture. Why not call them a friend, if that's what they anyway are? I don't think it's really necessary to tell our current BF/husband WHO among our friends is an "ex". The past should be left in the past. What do you all think?

I would not keep that kind of information from a SO...I think doing so breeds distrust. I mean, I would say to a new SO, "that was my friend Kevin on the phone. He and I used to go out years ago" or something like that...in other words, I'd refer to him as a "friend" but I would explain that he was also an ex.
Information like that has a way of coming out later if you're not upfront about it...and then your SO might wonder what you were hiding and THAT is going to make them a lot more insecure, IMO!
Sheri
I'm still friends with a couple of ex's ... though I view them as friends, first and foremost, the "ex" tag will always remain.
Upon introduction, I wouldn't say "this is so-and-so, he's my ex" ... that's just kind of um, uncomfortable. I would introduce him like any other friend and then let him know later "you know, John (or whatever), he and I used to date."
My BF hasn't met my ex (the one prior to him), but if he did ... he knows his name, and much of our background, and would most likely "just know" upon meeting ... because he's my only friend with that name. I would let him know ahead of time with something like "just want to let you know that John's going to be there" ... and he would know upon introduction. No surprises.
On the other hand, I'm also still friends with a guy I dated like, oh, 10 years ago. In that case, I probably wouldn't say anything beyond just introducing him as friend. Why? Because it was SO long ago and we only dated for a short time. It would seem frivilous to say "we used to date" ... because we've been friends for so much longer than we ever dated and the relationship was very short-term.
Go with instinct on what the situation mandates.
Yep. I agree.
My bf is good friends with his ex of 10 years ago. He speaks about her as 'my friend Jane', not 'my ex Jane'. I'm not concerned about their friendship at all, coz that's all it is. However, if he had withheld that they'd dated and I found out later, I'd be annoyed. Not because they dated, but because we require honesty from each other.