Do girls like boys?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2006
Do girls like boys?
16
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 2:23pm

Does this question sound preposterous? If there was a memo about girls liking boys that went out I missed it growing up. I am a confused 20 something man. I may have not been raised properly. I've dated, had girlfriends, but I still don't even know why they liked me?? What do women like about men? I don't approach women in bars because I still don't understand. What do you like about men? This is a genuine question. Please if there are any serious answers I would like to hear. Basic is good. Believe me my understanding is very low. I am 25, but I really have no clue. Do women like men's size or attitude? Are men attractive to women? What is attractive about a man? If you feel this is a good opportunity to knock me down your right. Please don't. I really have no where else to ask this question. It's kind of embarrassing. I suppose I could ask my roommates girlfriend. The question struck me last night when I was at the bar. I've never known. I think men come in two types. Men who know and men who don't. It might have something to do with being raised by a single mother. I've really never had an example. I think it also sobotages my relationships because I can't really understand why this girl is with me. How can this girl like me with the same kind of passion that I like her? Are any kind women out there willing to help?

Nick

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 3:27pm
Not all women like the same things about men. But I think it's good to aim for respecting women. Someone who is kind and romantic gets my
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 7:31pm

Interesting question and definitely no reason to attack you... A few things came to my mind when I read your post, I'll share them and would love your thoughts back...


Why do girls like guys? On a more philisophical route, I think it's human nature to seek out a partner, in this case a heterosexual one. I think we all want to be loved and that is basically why people like other people (speaking strictly in a romantic sense here).


On a specific level, what do we (women) like about men? Well, for me I look for a man I can talk to, that's like a best friend and is someone I can do the stupidist thing in front of and will not think I'm stupid. I like a man who respects me and treats me like a lady but also respects me enough that if I want to go play football, he won't think differently. I like a man who is smart, intelligent, likes to read and has ambition. I like a guy who has confidence but isn't cocky, knows what he wants out of life but isn't arrogant... I'm hoping this is helping to answer your question.


I have to disagree with you though about there being two types of men and that you're of the kind that don't know. I think many times people who act like they know are doing just that--acting. I remember a few years back a book that came out that was titled something like "Everything you need to know about women" and the book was blank! Why? Because the author was admitting that he had no clue... Even the men I know who are big daters and even some players admit they don't have a clue... So don't put yourself down.


The one thing I kept thinking when reading your post is that maybe you don't know what you have to offer. When you say "because I can't really understand why this girl is with me" that tells me that you may have a confidence issue. And honestly, until you address that and realize what a catch you are, you'll never find the right girl, only the right now girl. When you're with a girl that you really like, you focus on all her good qualities, right? Do you do that for yourself each day though? Do you look at yourself and say "Wow... I'm a great catch and have a lot to offer." If you don't, I say it's time for you to start doing it!


I'll end this here for now, but I am curious to hear what you think. I hope this helps.


Kerry

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sat, 07-22-2006 - 8:16pm

If I had to combine all the good things I've found in various men throughout my life, this is the list of things I would say women like me like in men:

1-They want to please us and make us happy...both in an out of bed.
2-They're stronger than us physically but soft inside when they dare to show it.
3-They have wide shoulders and chiseled faces.
4-They're funnier than most women.
5-They're little boys in a grown up package and therefore, very cute.
6-They work hard and are disciplined.
7-They don't know much about fashion so they don't care that much about what we wear.
8-They can turn us on in a heartbeat when we're not feeling sexual or attractive.
9-They tell us we're beautiful and make us feel special.
10-They talk to us about things they would never talk about with other men.
11-They love to kiss us and do it well.
12-They beg to be loved.

I guess that's a pretty complete list for me. I hope to find a man soon who has all these qualities.:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2006
Sun, 07-23-2006 - 2:23pm

Hi Kerry and sauce,

Some of those things you mention sound like the reasons my ex-girlfriends said they liked me, but I feel like there must be something about being father-like also. You see I can't shake this feeling when I go out that I'm just a boy trying to look old. I think I look kind of boyish and it seems like everyone else knows some secrets to acting mature. I've been struggling trying to act stand offish and cool like the other guys, but I really suck at it. I really do look young you know. I always end up looking around and blowing my cover. I just don't think I can act cool. I don't know when you wake up and say woah I'm a man today, beware! I think I have things to offer, but mostly just my opinions and incredible amazing sense of humor that no one can resist. I can be romantic. I don't know how good I am in bed. When I'm in bed I basically get lost in my uncontrollable sexual instincts and lust, but I get creative too. It's like music, you have to keep her body guessing and asking for mo. I work out 5 days a week, I have a great job in beverly hills and make a decent amount of money. I think your right about confidence. I don't have any confidence. All the guys who have confidence are usually very tall. I'm only 5'9". Do you think it would be ok to come off as having confidence being only 5 9? Can short guys hit on you? Also I'm not entirely white. I am half philipino. Do you think that's ok? Do you think a guy can come off too silly when you meet him? I'm so stressed out. You see with my job there is no hope of meeting a girl at work or school anymore so now I have to be a guy who approaches women at bars and clubs. Only that guy is always so lame. Am I going to become lame? This is a terribly frightening prospect. Don't you like men less for approaching you? Don't women fawn for the guy that is laid back and cool and ignores them??

-Nick

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-23-2006 - 2:50pm

IMO, the women who go for unavailable men are not emotionally healthy or mature. So if that's the type of woman you prefer, then by all means, ignore the woman you're interested in and if she's not emotionally healthy, she'll lap it up (and I've been that not emotonally healthy woman in the past so I have an idea of what I'm talking about ;-))! But a woman who has good self-esteem and who actually WANTS to be with a man who is available, will be delighted to have a man she's interested in show interest in her.

But it sounds like you have some self-esteem issues that could use some work yourself in order to be a good match for a woman who wants an emotionally healthy partner. Confidence has to do with accepting and being 100% ok with yourself as you are, no matter what your height or your looks. I've known guys a lot shorter than you who had oodles of confidence--it's totally not about height!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2006
Sun, 07-23-2006 - 3:44pm
Where do you get self esteem from?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 07-23-2006 - 4:23pm

Well, it comes from within...from learning to love and accept yourself exactly as you are, without needing any outside validation from other people that you're ok.

I found counseling to be invaluable and essential in reaching this point.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sun, 07-23-2006 - 4:36pm

Haha, you made me laugh when you asked do women like Filipino men because the last guy I dated was Filipino and I generally prefer Asian men. I'm a white girl though. And as far as height is concerned, I don't know about other women but I'd rather be with a shorter guy who is in good shape than a taller guy who is in bad shape and actually don't like super tall men because I don't like being talked down to. I'm 5'7" and prefer men in the 5'7"-6' range. A boyfriend of mine who was 5'7" had tons of confidence and that is one of the main qualities that stood out to me, not his height. You have to make the most of what you have. As far as being father-like goes, I don't like being told what to do by a man but feeling that he is "in charge" when we go out in terms of making plans as well as when we get physical is a big turn on for me.

The only women who like men ignoring them must be attached or must hate men. One of my friends told me the other day that I could have any guy I want and guess what, out of all the men who look my way, only about 5% ever have the nerve to talk to me, if even that. And it's not like I appear unfriendly but guys seem to be petrified of speaking to me. So no, I don't like a guy to act aloof with me and it frustrates me at times actually if I really am interested in the guy. Even guys who are no more than 5 feet tall or who have missing teeth or missing legs or who are in their 70's don't upset me when they hit on me since I tend to laugh it off (and yes, all that has honestly happened to me). I never get tired of nice decent guys approaching me though. What I like is when a man makes direct eye contact with me and then makes conversation with me. He should be relaxed and take his time instead of acting excited and nervous around me both when we meet and while we're dating. That's my perfect scenario.

Maturity comes with age. You will learn a lot from experience and from hanging around other guys who you consider mature to see how they operate. Plus just experience with many women. Confidence also comes from accomplishing your goals and with age and experience. You have to make yourself believe in yourself even when you doubt yourself and take risks in life you wouldn't normally take. I think those are the best ways to build confidence. Some people are lucky enough to always have been confident and others have to work hard to build it but it is worth the effort. Maybe you're confusing being arrogant with being confident because few people like arrogance but a quiet belief in yourself is one of the most attractive qualities of all. Best of luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2006
Sun, 07-23-2006 - 6:44pm

Hi Sauce.

You know you do have a point about maturity coming from age and all that, but from the way you talk it sounds an awful lot like being ok with getting old and dying. Personaly I don't want to get old and die so I would prefer to not hang out with older guys and wait for maturity. I really don't see much difference between what you are talking about and letting go of sanity. Once you let go you wake up and your 75. My innocence is the one thing about me that I treasure most. If I ever let that go... so no that is not an option., what you describe sounds bleak and not in my nature.

Sheri

This self-esteem business sounds really interesting. Maybe it is the reason that no matter how hard I try or how good I am at anything I still feel useless to women. I feel like I'm kind of a joke. Of course I did use to act that way. I would sincerely like to find a way to have self esteem without maturity. I actually kind of despise maturity. Do women like maturity? If I had to act mature all the time I would certainly go crazy and what would be the point in a relationship if I wasn't getting anything out of it? Maybe there is something else about me that is redeemable to women.

After listening to very different women's POVs I think and going in and out of a delirious sweaty meditation on my matress (Los Angeles is having some kind of tropical storm) I realize that in some ways I just don't want to let go and approach women with the kind of maturity that will put me into that relationship where I will have to keep acting mature all the time (maturity sounds to me like always holding one hand behind your back OR putting a nail throught the half of your brain that makes life fun). Maybe I would prefer to date immature women if we can enjoy ourselves. Maybe I kind of secretly want women to know that I'm silly because I want to date a silly women. Maybe there is a kind of maturity that does not include losing your sense of humor??? If there is could someone please tell my office.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2003
Sun, 07-23-2006 - 7:07pm
I think you misunderstood what I'm saying. I'm 29 and I joke around all day with co-workers and friends. My boss is in his 70's and has the greatest sense of humor and sometimes is really coarse and non-PC. He tells it like it is and he's a lot funnier than a lot of people around my age, many of whom put me to sleep because they have zero sense of humor. Maturity doesn't mean you lose your sense of humor. It means being responsible financially, and with the way you treat people. It's about integrity. I used to be afraid to lose my innocence but believe me, as you get older, you don't want to be like a kid among a bunch of adults. It's not cool. Life is a growing process. Embrace it and everything will fall into place, not too fast and not too slow but at an even pace. You'll look back at yourself five years from now and the way you speak now and will be so glad that you're in a BETTER place than you were then because you'll know more and will know what women like in you without having to ask. I know because I was as uncertain like you only a few years ago in other respects though and prefer being the person I am now. And I didn't tell you to hang out with older guys but guys who act like the way you want to act, whatever age they are, so that you could get some pointers from them. If you never want to mature, then you might as well date 18-year-olds forever and never get married because women your age will not want to date you. That's my two cents. Make what you want of it.

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