Do i break up with her
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 12-12-2004 - 7:17am |
Hi
I have been dating this wonderful gal for over 8 months now. My problem is that she is overwieght. I have always found her marginally attractive, however, I wish that she was more attractive. It makes me want to break up with her because of her weight. I love her very much and I don't want to be shallow, however, this issue has been bugging me since the beginning of the relationship. What should I do? She has tried to lose weight but her attempts I think are half hearted. She goes to the gym, but could go more. And even then she thinks that her diet is great but she never bothers to looks at how bad seemlingly good food is for her. (ie - iced tea from the soda fountain is just loaded with empty calories and sugar and she thinks this is good for her). what should i do?
any advice?

Are you shallow Hal?....Hon, if you knew that this weight issue was an important factor 8 months ago, then why did you continue with the charade? In true love there is total acceptance of qualities and defects and respect for the person we love and care for. For instance, if two are dating and one of them is not that slim but there is true love for her/him, then that seemingly imperfect body for the other will become the body of the person he/she loves and there will be acceptance and respect.
You sound like this IS a BIG problem to YOU so the best you can do is to break it up. Telling her that she needs to losse wieght or could do better will affect her self-esteem. If you love her like you say you do break it soon to her and don't waste more of her time.
What you do is either learn to love AND accept her as is or be fair and let her go so she can find someone who will love her for who and what she is, not what he wants...
Good luck.
I agree- you knew about her weight when you met her and began the relationship, and it obviously didn't bother you THEN, so you need to look at what has changed for you.
If you honestly and truly loved this woman, her weight would not continue to be an issue. You fell in love with her as she is, what is different now? If you're so concerned about her eating habits, offer to cook her dinner once in a while? Ask her to go for a long romantic walk with you. Engage in more physical activities with her, go swimming, hiking, etc.
You can be concerned and try to help her in her efforts to lose the weight for her own health, or you can leave her and find someone else. But don't sit around and look down on her, she deserves more than that.
Alison
Your right. I think that this is the best thing to do. The problem is that everything else about her is perfect (well almost perfect ;) ) It's just that breaking up with her is such a hard thing to do because she is such a wonderful person. I don't want to make a mistake her e and end up regretting it. But I am ruining her life, so I think that is this is the only course of actions that is really fair.
Thanks for the 2cents