Do I have to let him go?
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| Sun, 09-19-2004 - 12:46pm |
I'm new to this site. I am very confused and I need some advice.
I have been with a guy for almost 2 years... and I am now thinking of leaving him, because of his temper.
We love each other a lot, we are having the best time together, until he gets angry on me, for different reasons....Then, he loses his temper and shouts at me and tells me nasty things. When he calms down, he always apologizes and he feels bad about this, but I simply cannot take it anymore. And this has been happening after only three months since we had been together...
We have a lot of plans for the future, including plans to get married , we have a lot of common friends and we enjoy most of the things we do together.
We discussed his problem a lot and he accepted having it and he promised to solve it in time.
Do you think he will change? Will he ever be able to control his temper? Or will he get worse?
It tears my heart to leave him, but I am do not want to risk my future well being ( and marry him), unless he changes...

This man will not change.
You need to end this relationship.
Even with counselling, he would still have a lot of work to do to control his temper and redirect his anger and stop his outburts. And there's no telling that it would help.
Realistically, men with nasty tempers will become more and more abusive, and may become physically abusive. The longer you stay with him the more you're telling him that his behaviour is acceptable to you. Since you DON'T like the behaviour, why are you still there? Do you want him to suddenly start hitting you, if he hasn't already? Then if you don't leave, he'll begin to think that that behaviour is acceptable, since you didn't leave again.
Please end things now. You will not help him. Marraige will only tie you further to this man. Children will make you have to deal with him forever. End it.
If you're unsure, talk to some of the women who end up in the woman's shelters. They can tell you where this man's behaviour is headed. Don't become a statistic and stand up for yourself.
You deserve a man who will treat you like a princess. One who RESPECTS you and would NEVER think to cut you down. There are wonderful men out there, and you are not giving yourself an opportunity to meet one if you're attached to this man.
I wish you the strength to get through this and walk away.
Alison
It does not go away. My ex-husband went to anger management counseling and it didn't help. The sad thing is that I have a child with this man. I never thought he would lose his temper in front of his own child but I was wrong. I didn't want my child growing up in a home like that. That wasn't the only reason for us splitting, but was in the top 5. When you see the fear and confusion in a small child's eyes after witnessing their father lose control of their temper it is the most heartbreaking thing.
You are thinking about spending your life with this person. I don't want you crying as many tears as I did. He is not worth the heartache he will bring your life. Please see if he will get help. If not, please love yourself enough to get away from him.
Stay strong and good luck!!
Elle