Do I have leverage
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| Mon, 08-22-2005 - 1:51pm |
i met a guy over the 4th of july weekend. he calls me all the time, we go out on dates (picnics, ice cream, icees etc)which has allowed us to get to know each other better. last saturday, he wanted to out - i told him that i would be attending a funeral w/my ex and that i would give him a call later. i called him later and he told me that he was on the other line w/an old "friend" and he would give me a call back. well needless to say, when he did call back i was unavailable. i did however call him back to tell him that i had made it home, and that i was pretty tired and really didn't feel up to going out. slightly irritated he tried to persuade me to see him but i wouldn't budge and we ended the conversation w/we'll see what happens tomorrow. we talked over the course of the week, but didn't make plans to see each other.
FAST FORWARD: friday night, i called him to see what he was into, no answer, left msg, no call back. ordinarily this wouldn't have bothered me until he called me first thing on sat morning. right there i had a gut feeling that something wasn't right and that whatever he was doing on friday night, it couldn't have been good. so, i didn't answer any of his call this weekend. he called me this morning and i told him that i would call him back-when i did, he told me that he was late for an appt and that he was trying to fix his hair. in response i told him that his hair looked really nice (jokingly), he paused for a minute, repeated back what i said and then said..."i was out with an old friend on friday night." before i lost my cool i told him that i would call him back but i haven't as of yet and now i'm wondering should i pursue this relationship. i mean we touched briefly on the topic of exclusivity but nothing definite. however, why the gultiness on his part? i'm not sure if i should be happy that he confessed w/out any pressure on my part or should i be angry? we haven't had sex yet, so that's not an issue. although, we've talked about it and he's expressed to me on numerous occasions that he wants too but respects my decision to wait until i'm ready. how would you proceed?

You both need to talk. That's it.
My guess is that he wasn't too happy about you going out with your ex and felt jealous and ignored and insecure. And your resistence to not meet him that day made him even more restless and upset. So he perhaps is trying to make you feel the pinch by telling you about an "old friend". Just a guess.
Was the break-up very recent. Are you regular friends with your ex? Does he feel that you might get back with you ex? Perhaps he isn't able to trust you? And you both barely know each other much so this is understandable as he is still trying to get a feel of your personality and seriousness. Do you think this bothers him? Have you both talked about this, and has he said he is OK with that. You both do need to straighten this matter of the ex, if you haven't.
Get this out in the open. Tell him he has nothing to worry about. And that you don't like to play games. I guess he wants to hear from you about how much you enjoy his company and how much you do want to keep seeing him. Be straightforward and tell him exactly how it is. Go from there...and see how he takes it and whether he understands.
Matters take time to settle....so be patient..
Exclusivity comes with time, when both are ready. It should not be forced. If you both understand this, then there will be more peace.