Do I initiate or leave well alone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Do I initiate or leave well alone?
4
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 4:32am

I've been seeing this really great guy for a month now (on the weekends only because of my work and school schedules), and so far we've only had one passionate kissing session - courtesy of a couple of champagne cocktails ;-)!! We've been out every weekend, a couple of times just the 2 of us and a few times with a bunch of friends. He only started holding my hand infront of other people recently and it's cool, but the only time we kiss is when we meet and when we say goodnight and there's not a lot of action going on there.

I like that we're taking it slow and easy...I'm NOT planning on sleeping with him until I'm 200% sure, and he hasn't initiated anything in that area as yet, and I'm taking it to mean that he respects me. He gets along great with my friends and vice versa.

I do have a couple of concerns:-
(1) He hardly/never calls me or sms' me during the week - I'm ususally the one initiating it. He's in the middle of running a startup and I can appreciate that both of us have busy schedules, but I feel like I'm the one making all the effort.

(2) How can I tell if he's attracted to me physically? Is it ok to initiate a kissing session, or do I just hope and pray that it'll happen soon enough? I've been told some men are just dense in that area, and that it's ok for the woman to initiate it, but I don't want to scare him off either. There's definitely chemistry between us...and he's mostly either holding my hand and stroking it, or if i'm sitting with feet curled up next to him, he'll be stroking my calf or thigh. Then again I've also been told that when a man puts his hand on a woman's thigh it means he wants to sleep with her....It's all so confusing, this man/woman thing, and considering I've only ever had bad experiences with men, I really suck at it, BIG TIME!!!

Appreciate any advise thrown my way.

Cheers!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 7:40am

gipsy_queen99...

Pianoguy noticed that you didn't indicate (in your post) if you were living by yourself, had children or even a roommate. This might be the reason you're not receiving any phone calls from him?

Then again...he could be MARRIED or COMMITTED TO SOMEONE ELSE, but likes "hanging out with you?" So it might be a good idea to ASK HIM? This won't necessarily get an honest answer, but at least you've brought the subject up?

Your 2nd question contradicts itself. YOU stated at the beginning that you're somewhat reserved when it comes to passion (S-E-X) and yet you appear to be looking for it as well?

Most men wait for a 'cue' from the women they're with before that attempt to 'try' anything. So what's wrong with guiding his hand toward the areas of your body that you'd like your man to explore? Keep in mind that once you give us permission to touch you...we're gonna assume that most of the earlier 'barriers' have been removed?

So if there's somewhere specific you want a man to touch, but don't want him to "go crazy on you" (quoting the tune by the group: HEART)...make this clear to him VERBALLY before you guide his fingers toward any portion of your body!!!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 8:03am

Hi PianoGuy,

Thanks for your response. And to answer some of your points...

I own a mobile phone so I am contactable 24/7.

Passion does not/should not automatically = sex. Haven't you ever just wanted to kiss a girl, and nothing more? It's not so much being reserved, as being cautious. I used to put out very early, and it never went beyond that, and I promised myself that I would put a lid on it until I was truly ready, and to make an effort to get to know the guy, and allow him to get to know me. Normally I'm not shy, but around him I'm extremely shy.

He's divorced, and is not seeing anyone else at the moment - this has been verified by the mutaul friend who introduced us (or she wouldn't have intorduced us). And from experience, most guys who are attached are NEVER available weekends.

But I will take your advise and talk to him about it.

Cheers and have a fab day!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 10:23am

gipsy_queen99...

Pianoguy wanted to answer your question: "haven't you ever just wanted to kiss a girl, and nothing more.

My answer is ABSOLUTELY!

Unfortunately, in a few cases.....the woman I WANTED TO KISS was in the company of an extremely jealous husband or boyfriend! So I kept my distance

To quote Mick Jagger (of the Rolling Stones): "You cain't always get wot you want!" :)

Pianoguy

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-23-2006 - 11:25am

I would stop initiating contact and see what happens. It may be he just isn't the type to have frequent contact between dates but unless you stop initiating you won't know for sure. It may be that since you're doing all the work, he doesn't think he has to.

Same with the physical thing. You can initiate, but then you'll never know if he's just responding, or if he's really attracted to you that way. I'd let him lead. But I really don't think he'd be touching you like that if he weren't attracted to you.

Sheri