Do I need to play hard to get?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Do I need to play hard to get?
5
Fri, 08-11-2006 - 7:06pm

I am nervous.
We contacted each other online through the personals.
Going over his profile, I see a LOT of things that we have in common, (including our sunsigns!) yet, just the right things to make him my opposite and thus more interesting!
His pic made me feel attracted to him, and made me smile. He has just the right height, the right color of his skin, the right look in his eyes, the right kinda sentiments in his profile. He is involved in just the things I admire and am in awe....like stand up comedy! (and I am more of a wallflower :-). He is doing his Phd to become a Doctor, and I have always admired Docs. He just seems like such a great catch and this is already making me Really nervous! We have never met, nor spoken on the phone even.

We have spoken online only once for about an hour, and everything went smoothly. We were both smiling a lot. But I think I exposed myself a bit too much, I asked him for his number so we could talk, and he readily gave his numbers to me without any hesitation. I think I showed him my eagerness, and now I am afraid that I did something wrong!

Are we supposed to play hard to get? I keep hearing that guys love the chase, and girls need to not expose their emotions/interest this easily. He said I could call him anytime, and I would be calling him tonight.

Any pointers on how I should behave? If I like him, do I need to be cautious, or frank and open? I don't wanna drive him away.

Also, we are both planning to attend an event in town this weekend. He will be with his friends, and I with mine. Should I suggest we meet up there? Or wait for him to suggest? or is this not a good idea at all.....perhaps it's too soon to meet?

Thank you for your suggestions and comments in advance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 1:34pm

<< Any pointers on how I should behave? If I like him, do I need to be cautious, or frank and open? I don't wanna drive him away.>>

I think you're overthinking it. Because, of course, you're excited about the prospect of him! But, be careful to not project of an idea of who you think he is or who you HOPE he is, before you even meet. Just take things with a grain of salt.

Be yourself! That's my #1 piece of advice. Since you asked for his numbers and he readily gave them to you, call him. And then let him take it from there. Let him suggest what to do from there. That is, because you took the initiative in calling. If he doesn't suggest going to the event together, just say well, hope to see you at " ... and let the chips fall where they may. Don't be disappointed if he doesn't suggest going together, as he might not want to seem too anxious, either.

But, if he does make a suggestion, kindly accept ... and see what happens! Try to not project into anything other than what's on the table ... without thinking about what might happen next. Just be yourself and let things fall into place.

Good luck!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Sat, 08-12-2006 - 5:58pm

Thanks for your reply starbuck. I did call him yesterday, and we spoke for sometime. It was nice. He did not mention meeting at this event tonight (he had to hang up because he was meeting his sister for dinner and she arrived while he was on the phone with me) but I don't know if it was because we just did not get enough time on the phone! He said he would be actually working at this event. I plan to call him on his cell when I get there, and PERHAPS give him a surprise visit for a little HI. Would that be too much eagerness? Or should I just let this whole thing go, and let him take the initiative to plan.

Oh I must add that I have his numbers, but he doesn't have mine. I am just being cautious, so haven't volunteered him my numbers yet. Neither did he ask. But he can get in touch with me thru IM online, if he does want to, and he knows that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2004
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 9:55am
If you called him and he has caller id, then he might already have your number. At this point, I'd probably wait and let him initiate the next contact. You've called him and that's established that you're interested. Let him be the one to ask for your number, or to make a suggestion of meeting now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 1:00pm
I personally don't think you should "play" anything, just be yourself. Some women truly are hard to get, such as myself, haha and it is just my true standards. Some women are not hard to get, it is who they are but they are happy that way too. I'm not sure where you fit as far as being hard to get, easy to get or somewhere in the middle. I think playing games is hiding your true self, be who you are and adhere to your own personal standards.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2006
Sun, 08-13-2006 - 10:18pm

Thank you terrilee...I loved your insight. Yes, everyone is different. I have always wanted to just eb myself, and felt like if he doesn't like me for me, then he is not the one anyway. I think I am very easy, once I start liking someone. Ofcourse, this does not mean I compromise on my standards. And at the same time, I might appear hard to get, when I am not into someone.

It's just confusing when I read and hear stuff that guys like the chase, and giving in too easy or telling him you like him, and being emotional etc, is only going to turn him away and he might start losing interest and attraction.

I feel the right guy would be happy to see that interest.