Do I tell him, or not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2006
Do I tell him, or not?
1
Wed, 11-22-2006 - 7:26pm
I’ve been dating this guy for two months now, and after seeing his interest wane, I realized, by reading The Rules, and a few articles on ivillage, that I made a few big mistakes, one in particular, and now I don’t know how to make up for it. We met online, and he did all of the pursuing and arranged the entire first date. My first mistake was sleeping with him on the first date. ::Everyone gasps:: I’ve never done that before, but because we live three hours a part and had to wait three weeks before seeing each other for the first time and spent so many hours on the phone talking to each other, it didn’t feel like a first date. ::Plus, we went out to a Chinese restaurant where I got a fortune cookie advising me to take the “first proposition that is offered”. I still think he planted it.lol.:: Afterwards, I saw his interest wane, and I did the opposite of what I should have done; I started to pursue him. I know he likes me, and we have been dating for two months now, but since that first date, I have always been the one to bring up seeing each other again- and I didn’t like doing it from the beginning, but I didn’t feel like waiting a month for him to say something, and then I was scared he wasn’t going to say anything about seeing me. I’m not the one to make all the plans. Once I mention wanting to see him, he has always acted pleased, and we both make arrangements. But I don’t want to be the first one to bring up seeing each other, and I shouldn’t have to.
A friend has suggested a few reasons why he might wait for me to say something: “Since you both have busy lives, and it’s the holiday season, he may not think you have any free time. Since your sleeping together, he may think the weeks you don’t ask to see him, you are on your period. Or, he may just assume you have other plans, or he may just be used to you saying something first now. Or maybe he was going to say something, but you beat him to it.” Could she be right about any of these reasons?
I don’t want to be the one bringing up seeing each other every time, but I don’t know how to go about it. Should I ask him why he has never been the one to bring up seeing each other again, and then nicely and casually discuss how much it has been bugging me- it’s not like I couldn’t get another date if we didn’t see each other! Or should I skip asking him why, and nicely and casually tell him that it’s bugging me. Or, should I not mention anything at all, start to act less interested in him, not say anything about seeing him again and wait until (if*) he mentions it first?
I’ve been thinking about doing one of those three things. I’m going to see him this weekend- yes, I brought it up first, but when I did, he said, “I would love to see you.”- so I’m confused. Am I being used maybe? And I’m not going to stop having sex with him. I realize that I shouldn’t have done it so soon, but I’ve gotten that advice from a friend, and (besides being the 21st century) I don’t think (and don’t want to) turn around and stop just to use it against him. Although, currently I am to annoyed by this to want to sleep with him- or even make-out with him, and he’s probably going to notice, so should I tell him what’s been bugging me? *sorry it’s long.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2006
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 12:03am
Tell him how you feel!!! Anything else is going into the mind games and is sure to not end the way you want. I have muchos experience in that, first hand and second hand unfortunately.
Morrigan