do me and my ex have a chance

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
do me and my ex have a chance
5
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 5:05pm
I started met him in 2002. In the beginning he was interested in me but I wasnt interested in him. I got to know him and saw that he was shy but really a nice guy. I took the time in getting to know him. A year went by, and we got together. Our relationship was the best. Everyone was jealous of how great our relationship was. We spent everyday together. That is when I found out there was a secret he was keeping from me. There was this other girl I didnt know about. This other girl was actually seeing him before I was. I didnt find out until he was taking a shower at my house and he recieved a text message. I checked it since I thought It was odd he recieved text messages. It was from that other girl. I was upset and confronted him and he denied everything. I called the other girl and she said they were talking for 2 years. She said she was pregnant by him but had an abortion. He denied it for several weeks thaen confessed. I was devestated but wanted to work it out since I cared about him so much and we got along so well. The "other girl" stopped calling. I then needed to gain his trust back so I asked to answer his calls whenever I wanted to. A month after he cheated on me, it happened again. This girl also said she was talking to him for 2 years. She also said she was pregnant with his baby. I didnt know what to do. He explained that this girl liked him and she wouldnt get the hint to leave him alone. He also said she was making up the pregnancy thing up. I still wanted to work it out because our relationship was too precious to end. He told both girls to leave him alone and I told him to change his phone number which he did. Ever since those 2 incidents I havent been able to forgive him just because he hid it so well and feel like he will do it again. As of today we still see each other almost everyday but I feel like he is still decieving me behind my back, even when I ask him if he is seeing anyone he says no. He tells me he doesnt want to get back with me because i dont trust him and he wants his space. I dont understand what that means because he wont leave me but we are intimate and we spend alot of time together. I feel we are together. please help me!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 5:56pm
Nope! Once the trust is broken, it cannot be repaired. You cannot change anybody. He must change for himself, and he's not going too. I dont understand why you would want someone like this in your life? History has a 99.9% chance of repeating itself and it shows with his behavior. You dont have any respect for him vice versa by checking his messages etc.

You are losing respect for yourself. You need to cut him lose. Have some self pride and respect and drop kick him to the curb. You'll end up hurting yourself in the long run, if you continue to be with him. Let him have his space, so he can deal with his problems, since he has many issues and needs to resolve them with no distractions. He is not a good man, and you will not know how to react to one when you do meet him if you continue to see this cheater
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2004
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 7:39pm
That guy is a total scum-bag!! If he's out getting these other girls pregnant, and denying it....he could just as easily do the same to you. There's an expression, if they'll do it for ya, they'll do it to ya. Even though you have feelings for this guy, it'd be in your best interest to move on. As much as it hurts, you deserve better. You deserve a guy who's at the least faithful and honest. PLEASE say that you at least use protection!!! Who knows what STD this guys has caught from these other girls. Can you truely picture being w/ a guy that cheats, lies, and denies?? Is that what you want? By letting him still sleep w/ you, you're just giving him the go-ahead to treat you like crap, and do what or whoever he wants. You have to let him know, that you wont stand for this type of treatment!! You deserve respect!! And if he loves you, he'll PROVE HIMSELF. This guy sounds like nothing but a ticking time-bomb, waiting to blow up your heart. Dont give him that power. You have to realize this guy is no good for you, at least not anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2004
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 3:39am
unlike the other posters, I do think broken trust can be repaired. but that can't happen right away, & definitely can't happen if he isn't working for it.

the first thing I would do if I was you, is to end this relationship (& that means, no spending time together, & definitely- no sex).

You have to understand that if you keep taking him back, on his terms (like you're doing right now), you will never be able to repair that trust.

first, you need time to work on you, & what made you stay with him for this long.

other than that, you'll need to get over it, & forgive him (& that doesn't mean getting back together! it only means getting over the bad feelings you have for him).

in the mean time, he would have to prove to you that he can/ should be trusted. & it takes much much more than changing his number. he would most definitely have to admit all he's done & understand that it was wrong!!! if he does, you might concider taking him back. just know that even if all this happens, it would take alot of time, & alot of hard work to repair. just ask yourself if he (& the relationship) are really worth it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 1:12pm
I'm sorry, doesn't it seem odd to you that TWO women end up calling and saying they're pregnant? Then he dismisses them both as crazy women trying to get with him? Doesn't it seem kinda coincidental? TWO separate women?

This guy is a loser, forget him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-09-2004 - 2:54pm
His MO is to lie and cheat...the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. for the both of you it hasn't been good. you've been all about forgiving and turning the other cheek (and if i'm not mistaken, chica, es parte de tu cultura) while his behavior is to carry on with someone on the side. he knows that you'll take him back no matter what he does because you've already proven that you'll forgive him, twice.

Get yourself tested for STDs and even though you're not old enough, insist on a HPV test...how long will your love for him last if he's passed on warts and your pap smears show precancerous cells? Is your love for him so strong that you'll forgive him ruining your cervix?

You KNOW what he is. He may change his behavior for someone else, but right now he doesn't even want to be with you. He has no remorse for the damage he's done. He doesn't want to be with you because you remind him how good he had it and how he blew it. DOn't have sex with him. there are so many other men out there to willing to show you a good time that haven't hurt you.