Do you always get butterflies?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2005
Do you always get butterflies?
6
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 3:42pm

I'm just wondering-do you think that if you really like a guy/girl when you start going out with them you should have that feeling of butterflies in your stomach?

A guy I went out a date with last night was great, very funny, nice, pretty cute, but I don't get butterflies.

I would love to know what other people think.

Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 4:42pm

I went out with a guy once and it was INSTANT butterflies. Total fireworks! The problem with that relationship though was that it moved too quickly and resulted in an ugly, painful crash and burn.

Fast forward to now - I'm dating a new guy, been dating him a month or so. At first I was attracted to him (looks-wise), and thought he was nice. Now, the more I get to know him, the better I like him. Only NOW I'm starting to get little butterfly flutters when I think about him.

I'm hoping that a slow burn will beat out the fireworks. I've heard that when it develops slowly, sometimes it can make for a more enduring relationship. In my case, it remains to be seen, but it can happen.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2003
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 6:47pm

Attraction is definitely important but one does not have to feel it in the very initial stages.

Paraphrasing from a good book I have:
"Are you The One for me". Knowing who's right and avoiding who's wrong. by Barbara De Angelis.

If you are not "instantly" attracted to them when you meet them, it does not necessarily mean that you won't "become" attracted to them as you get to know them better. The attraction shouldn't just be based on how your partner looks, but also who he is and how you feel about yourself when you are with him. And for this reason, gradual attraction may actually be more genuine than "lust at first sight". You are attracted to the "whole person".

Quoting one more para:

"It was only after getting to know what he was like on the inside and developing a powerful emotional, mental, and spiritual resonance that the feelings of sexual attraction began to emerge."
_________________________________________

This book made me realize that we have the habit of looking for instant attraction.

from my own experience, the guy i fell madly in love with many years ago, i was "absolutely" neutral about in the first few meetings. Perhaps because he "seemed" so different from me. But things changed drastically as we kept meeting and spending time together.

So, I would say, if he seems like a nice person, give him more time, and see whether things develop further to your satisfaction.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 1:48pm
There are many wonderful relationships that started out as the couple being friends and the more time they spent together the deeper the rapport between them grew. So butterflies are nice but if the guy last night was terrific, you enjoyed being with him, etc., then give it a little more of a chance before ruling him out altogether.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 4:59pm

I agree with Sherry.

 Start

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 11:26am
I did not have butterflies when I first met with my SO (we met online). He was nice...etc but there was NO physical attraction on my part. But I enjoyed his company and went out with him again and found myself drawn to him. We connected in a lot of ways. It wasn't until our third date, when we shared a real kiss, that I started to feel the flutters. The feeling that kiss evoked started on my lips and shot straight down to my toes -- Whoa! Who would of guessed. The butterflies started in full force after that. I am glad I didn't go by my initial reaction (of the lack of).
Over two years later, I can't say that the 'butterflies' are as strong as they once were, but I am always looking forward to seeing him, enjoy every moment I spend with him, and his kiss still makes me melt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 11:48pm
She is right- butterflys occur with sexual tension. Usually, getting them right off the bat isnt a good sign unless you can learn to take those ones slow!!! They will get you introuble right away if you dont know whats good for you. Some end up in a world wind romance and then a world wind crash if the relationship had no substance just chemisty to begin with. But butterflys can and should come later. He might have butterflys for you, and its better just comming from one side and not both! But most likely, the butterflys will come later if you really respect him and love how he treats you. My best friend married a good friend of hers. She never had butterflys for him until years later. They are happily married and after 10 years in a relationship with the guy, he still at times gives her butterflys and the spark comes back. However, its more intellectual now. And thats the way it should go. Hope I helped