Do you believe ex's can be JUST friends?
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| Thu, 09-01-2005 - 8:47am |
I am just wondering about your experiences...
My ex, whom I was with for 3 years of which we lived together for over a year and broke up because of the distance (3500 miles), I am still good friends with him and speak to almost daily online.
The man I was with for a over a year (we broke up, got back together for some weeks and then broke up again), we have not spoken to each other in about a month but last night I contacted him and was taken by a surpise when he picked up the phone.
The thing is, if my ex who lives far away, lived close to me, we probably could not be JUST friends because there is all that attraction still there (although we broke up 1 1/2 years ago). The ex that lives close to me, we tried being friends once and ended up getting back together ONLY to break up again.
Now he told me to call him this weekend. I have feelings for him still and I know he does as well but I know we cannot be together right now...can we be just friends without getting our emotions involved again? Has that happened to you? I am just interested in your experiences with the question "can we be JUST friends"...
~T~

I know of people who are friends after the fact...but it only works if you give yourself time to heal and aren't really pining to get back together.
<< I have feelings for him still and I know he does as well but I know we cannot be together right now...can we be just friends without getting our emotions involved again? Has that happened to you? I am just interested in your experiences with the question "can we be JUST friends"...>>
If you still have feelings (ie, romantic attraction) for each other, the answer is no. Many people try, but ... it doesn't work.
Now, if you give it enough time and space ... let the dust settle ... if the break-up with amicable, and both people are mature enough to take the "friendship" part of the relationship with them ... with no hard feelings ... then, yes, ex's can be friendships. It's the 'ol "take the best, leave the rest".
My ex and I (whom I was with for 5 years) are still very good friends. It didn't happen overnight ... took several months to let everything settle ... but, we're friends because we value each other as people ... we just weren't "right" as a couple.
Yes, they can (I have several exes who are friends now--but it took varying periods of no contact before we were able to get to that point) but NOT when either or both people still have romantic feelings for each other.
Sheri
If either party is still holding out hope that things will change and you'll end up together, it will be a very awkward and unhappy friendship. Been there, done that. We broke up and were great friends for almost a year. Then he started dating someone else, and I was insanely jealous. I wanted him back. And it's funny - I didn't really want him much until that happened...but I guess I had been hoping that eventually he'd come back to me. As soon as I realized he liked her way more than he'd ever liked me, I moved on. We are truly just friends now. I've met someone else who I am totally in love with and is so much better for me than this guy ever was...I have no interest in him anymore as anything past platonic.
Just be honest with yourself. If you're still hoping for another chance, then maybe some distance is necessary until the "planets are aligned" properly for you two. If it's meant to be, it will be.
I do hope this works out for you... please just be careful. I don't want to see you hurting again.
And please, let us know what happens after you meet up!
I answered your other post as well.
Ex's can be friends but it's a hard thing to pull off. The two have to have a strong foundation of friendship and respect, there can't be bitterness, regret, longing, lopsided feelings, etc., both have to be in the same place about the relationship - as in not wanting it to become romantic or sexual...
My closest friend is an ex. But again we were always good friends and we've been able to morph to dealing with each other as part of a couple with someone else.