do you call this commitment?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
do you call this commitment?
7
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 12:45pm
My boyfriend and I have been commited for 18 months. We have a strong relationship. We have spoken about marriage and the future, we take care of each other, speak kindly, put us first, pray for each other. love each other and are there for each other. we are in late 30's. last friday we had an an upset. My feelings hurt by something he said. (unintentional) had no time to discuss as had to go to bed early and business trip till sunday. by sunday I had 2 days to simmer. I got to his place before his return and had some wine on empty stomach. (not like me) when he got home I was pretty uninhibited. He didnt like my attitide as we always fight in gentle ways and wouldnt listen to me. this made me feel angrier and I said something bad. Out of character. I told him he didn't give a ---- about me! It was the alcohol. I am not used to it. Now, he is mad and talking about breaking up. After the strong foundation we have build I cannot believe it. He was the one who was always so afraid of losing me. He said I turned a beautiful relationship into trailer trash in one night. ive apologized. says he forgives me, wants to see me and see how we feel. says he doesnt feel the same. once he sees me he will forgive, but i dont want to be with someone who will end a possible life long commitment over a bad melt down that im really sorry for and will never do again. He always viewed me as a mature single mom but said i reminded him of someone that night because I seemed unstable. I dont know what to do? see him Saturday? Or back off at the risk of him remembering me like i was on sunday? Please help.
Avatar for happychick01
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 1:14pm










I feel that you 2 just were blowing off steam and he should be commited to you no matter what and if hes not then it shows u how immature he is for not being more forgiving and patient with you - you already aplogized to him many times I guess the best bet now is to keep the communication open and go from there HUGS

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 3:40pm
Be honest for a moment, if the tables were reveresed and the exact same thing happened how would you think and feel? If your emotional outburst was full of inaccuracies and embellishments then that likely caught him off-guard.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 5:37pm
thank you for taking the time to respond. I am interested in your point of view. Do you believe that this is cause for a commited person to leave a relationship, or do you think that perhaps the wonderful thing we had (besides my outburst) was only an illusion? What do you think I should do? I understand his hurt but don't understand why he is considering throwing in the towel. It is our first upset.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 5:41pm
Thank you. I am not sure I can remain commited to him if he considered throwing it away instead of working it out after all my apologizing and taking responsibility. I dont want to have to worry about this happening again......
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 5:45pm

That's a lot of pressure he's putting on you. There is more going on here than one four letter word. Nobody is perfect all the time - not even him.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 6:01pm
thank you Sherry. Yes one of the girlfriends from his past was very manipulative. He was in the relationship for too long. When he found me, he felt emotionally safe because I am very stable, down to earth and honest. That is how we grew to love each other. I am wondering if I reminded him of his past girlfriend in that moment.......but...he needs to see all of the wonderful things I have been and realize that wasn't me. Maybe I should just tell him I need some space. That I can't be in a relationship with someone who would throw in the towel so easy. He was always the one so crazy about me, saying he would never leave me, that I make him feel safe and calm. His mother also had some mental problems. But he loved her till she died. I have tried to always be mature around him so he would feel grounded, and he is always that way with me.....one mistake.......are you out?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Sat, 03-20-2004 - 11:08am
Not sure i want to be tested this weekend to see 'how he feels'. don't think that is fair. should I go or not? I don't want him to remember me like he last saw me, maybe I could go and be myself, but I will still feel under the microscope. Any advice?