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| Fri, 10-01-2004 - 2:28pm |
Why are guys so messed up? My bf of 7 years and I broke up over the future and marriage. We discussed things on and off for about a month. He said he thought the break up was a mistake. Then said he didn't know if he'd ever have the answers he was looking for. Then 2 weeks later he is dating and soon sleeping with another girl. After 7 years! After so long, I can't even think about that yet. They've been together for over a month now, we don't even speak anymore, and all this after 7 years and discussing marriage. It makes me sick to my stomach. How can I not doubt so much about our relationship if he can let it go so easily? There was still a chance till he went and did this. "She" was around during our relationship and I thought she (friend/co-worker) was interested in him, he always convinced me that she wasn't, and that even if she was, he'd never let her mess things up. I believed him but now that he is with her, was he cheating on me too? I can't believe he'd be discussing marriage if he was cheating on me, and I really believe he wasn't, but feel so betrayed he went straight to her after we broke up. How can seven years of love turn out so ugly?
I really don't think anyone can explain this kind of behavior but would love to know what you think.

I think sometimes men and women start a new relationship right away after another relationship ends because they have low self esteem and can't be on their own or because they are hurt and the only way they deal with the pain is to ignore it and find someone else to focus on - esp. true for men who do not like to acknowlegde their feelings.
Your ex may be hurting and instead of sitting around being sad, he has decided to latch on to the 1st available girl. This is considered a rebound and usually these relationships don't last.
You will probably never know if he was cheating or not. I would not dwell on it. I know it hurts but this situation happens to millions of people -- they talk about marriage or they get engaged or married and then the relationship ends. And then you hear that your ex has already moved on and you are left thinking, "what was I? did I mean nothing?"
You need to focus on you. Is there something you have wanted to do that you have put off? like starting a new hobby? exercise program? classes? Find something you enjoy and work on your self esteem and confidence. Don't worry about finding another man right away. Break off all contact with your ex if you can and if you have mutual friends, let them know you don't want to hear about your ex. Get rid of pics and mementos you have of your ex or if you cant throw them out, put them in a box in the attic or garage and don't look at them.
It takes time and space to heal. Good luck.
It's over between you...whether or not they had an affair while you were still exclusive doesn't matter. The more you dwell on this, the longer it's going to take you to move on with your own life. Don't be spying on them and finding things out about them...it gives them way too much power over your life...give yourself some time to mourn and then get out there.