'do you have a girlfriend?'

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
'do you have a girlfriend?'
10
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 8:37am

at what point in the 'dating' game do you ask a man if he has a girlfriend?
i have been out of the dating game for quite a while.

can I ask this 'before' I make the first date with him?

just because a man comes and talks to me somewhere does not mean he is single.
so if he calls me and wants to see me i should probably ask him if he is single, right?!.

thanks,
penelope.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 8:52am
Before the first date is a good idea.
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 8:57am

Hi Pen,

I wouldn't ask him, period.

I'm asusming that when a man asks me out, he's single...no wife, no girlfriend. Until his behavior indicates otherwise, it's just not a question I would ask. What if he really is single (no wife, no girlfriend) and you asked that? I'm thinking most men would be very put off by that.

I say assume the best, but pay attention in the early stages of a relationship. I think that red flags start waving very early on, but many people choose to ignore them.

All the best, FG

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 9:18am
But then again, a woman may be asking a man out. If a woman is approaching a man and doesn't know his status, it is a reasonable question.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 10:23am

this is a no brainer - I want someone who is 'available' for dating and possible serious so this should be clarified prior to accepting any dates. It makes no sense whatsoever to gou out with someone, being to like them and THEN ask if they are availbe.

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 1:45pm
My bf and I met by chance meetings that stacked up over the course of several weeks. We liked each other a lot but neither of us was bold enough to do much about it until chance meeting number six. I liked him enough at that time and could tell he felt the same that I asked him to lunch around the corner and he accepted and I know that neither of us knew the status of the other. I was kinda hoping he might be single but honestly I liked him enough that I would have been happy to be great friends with him and whoever his SO would have been. He was simply just very funny and awesome to be around. We spoke on the phone each day or so after that for about a week and then decided to go out to dinner. Before we went out to dinner we had a long conversation and I did get curious and just ask him point blank if he were single. We werent even flirting really with one another at this point but I liked him enough and was giddy enough talking to him that I needed to know what the limits were on this pending crush if there were any. So I think the timing of this question sometimes has to do with knowing what you might want from that person. I know that some people arent interested in being friends with the opposite sex as much as they are looking for their partner and they are pretty serious about it. At the time I met my SO I was open to any type of great relationship coming my way, including friends so I guess it took me a bit to ask the question. Certainly, once I knew I was capable of really crushing on him, I asked the question though!
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2007
Fri, 03-02-2007 - 4:12pm
I usually ask before we go on a date no need to deal with a jealous Girlfriend LOL

 

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 8:22am

Another thought....

If a man has a girlfriend or a wife and he asks you out, what makes you think he's going to tell you the truth if you ask? Don't you think he's a have-my-cake-and-eat-it-too kind of guy who cheats?

Here's the other thing: although I don't like it, dating carries no strings and commitments at first. People are free to date whom they like until it becomes sexual. Then, yes, I think it should be exclusive. But OF COURSE this doesn't apply to a married man. He shouldn't be "dating."

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Sat, 03-03-2007 - 9:35pm

He might lie, sure, but he might hesitate and give a very bad answer to the question. In this case you will know something is up.

Or he will tell you the truth, and test the waters to see whether you'd be willing to be the mistress.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
Sun, 03-04-2007 - 2:21pm

hello:)

thank you all for this input.

asking some guy at the point when you are sure you are ready to fall for him is a good idea.

but also there are a lot of snakes out there that are trying to have some fun and i dont want to be hurt or hurt someone.

unfortunately man do not run around with signs on their forehead saying 'cheater', 'lier', 'good guy',...and so on... it seems such hard work to find out and it seems it is always a risk everytime a woman gets to know a new man.

even if they would lie to me at least they had to go through the trouble of lying to me and everyone else:).

i am not going to make it easy for man.
but i also dont want to make it too difficult for a nice guy.:)

another thing i try is to ask him out on a weekend night late at night and see if he gets stressed- saturdays are reserved for family or girlfriend.

But I dont like to be so suspicious. It makes me feel like i am ruining the trust bevore it has even been there.

oh, well, it is really easier when one decides not to 'date' but rather just to go out for a drink and might as well check out the applicant without any expecations.

hmm...should not the man usually ask me if I am single bevore asking me out?
If he has not done that I already wonder about his ethics.

i sometimes meet man that just like to talk to me and nothing more, they tell me that they are married or in a relationship and do not want to send a wrong picture, i respect that and still enjoy talking to them. But if a man does not indicate his relationship status or ask mine, i get insecure. i might as well learn to 'ask' even if that means hearing something i do not like.:)

Best,
keep your heads up,
Penelope

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 03-08-2007 - 12:53pm
YEs you want to know if he is unattached BEFORE you go out with him.
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