'do you have a girlfriend?'
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'do you have a girlfriend?'
| Fri, 03-02-2007 - 8:37am |
at what point in the 'dating' game do you ask a man if he has a girlfriend?
i have been out of the dating game for quite a while.
can I ask this 'before' I make the first date with him?
just because a man comes and talks to me somewhere does not mean he is single.
so if he calls me and wants to see me i should probably ask him if he is single, right?!.
thanks,
penelope.

Hi Pen,
I wouldn't ask him, period.
I'm asusming that when a man asks me out, he's single...no wife, no girlfriend. Until his behavior indicates otherwise, it's just not a question I would ask. What if he really is single (no wife, no girlfriend) and you asked that? I'm thinking most men would be very put off by that.
I say assume the best, but pay attention in the early stages of a relationship. I think that red flags start waving very early on, but many people choose to ignore them.
All the best, FG
this is a no brainer - I want someone who is 'available' for dating and possible serious so this should be clarified prior to accepting any dates. It makes no sense whatsoever to gou out with someone, being to like them and THEN ask if they are availbe.
Toni
Another thought....
If a man has a girlfriend or a wife and he asks you out, what makes you think he's going to tell you the truth if you ask? Don't you think he's a have-my-cake-and-eat-it-too kind of guy who cheats?
Here's the other thing: although I don't like it, dating carries no strings and commitments at first. People are free to date whom they like until it becomes sexual. Then, yes, I think it should be exclusive. But OF COURSE this doesn't apply to a married man. He shouldn't be "dating."
He might lie, sure, but he might hesitate and give a very bad answer to the question. In this case you will know something is up.
Or he will tell you the truth, and test the waters to see whether you'd be willing to be the mistress.
hello:)
thank you all for this input.
asking some guy at the point when you are sure you are ready to fall for him is a good idea.
but also there are a lot of snakes out there that are trying to have some fun and i dont want to be hurt or hurt someone.
unfortunately man do not run around with signs on their forehead saying 'cheater', 'lier', 'good guy',...and so on... it seems such hard work to find out and it seems it is always a risk everytime a woman gets to know a new man.
even if they would lie to me at least they had to go through the trouble of lying to me and everyone else:).
i am not going to make it easy for man.
but i also dont want to make it too difficult for a nice guy.:)
another thing i try is to ask him out on a weekend night late at night and see if he gets stressed- saturdays are reserved for family or girlfriend.
But I dont like to be so suspicious. It makes me feel like i am ruining the trust bevore it has even been there.
oh, well, it is really easier when one decides not to 'date' but rather just to go out for a drink and might as well check out the applicant without any expecations.
hmm...should not the man usually ask me if I am single bevore asking me out?
If he has not done that I already wonder about his ethics.
i sometimes meet man that just like to talk to me and nothing more, they tell me that they are married or in a relationship and do not want to send a wrong picture, i respect that and still enjoy talking to them. But if a man does not indicate his relationship status or ask mine, i get insecure. i might as well learn to 'ask' even if that means hearing something i do not like.:)
Best,
keep your heads up,
Penelope