Does attraction grow in time?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2006
Does attraction grow in time?
2
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 2:24pm
I have been sort of dating this guy for about a month now. I say sort of because I told him I just want to be friends for now and take things slow because I just got out of a long-term relationship 7 months ago. The thing is, I'm not sure how attracted I am to him. He's not the best looking guy in the world and he stutters a little, but he is very nice and thoughtful and we have a lot of fun together. I am trying to concentrate on who he is on the inside rather than the outside. There definitely is something there, but I think it is just too soon and I am just not ready to get seriously involved again. I feel I am comparing him too much to the ex because with him, because he was really good looking and I was attracted immediately. But isn't it more important who someone is on the inside? Also, I have to admit that with the ex, when I was introducing him to friends or family, I felt proud becuase he was good looking....I'm not sure I would feel the same way if things progressed with this new guy. I know this has less to do with him and more to do with my own insecurities like being accepted by others, etc. Anyway, my question is, can someone grow on you or should you be attracted right away?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 2:32pm

I know too many people who have had attraction grow to say that it doesn't happen. However, for me personally, it's never happened (to go from no attraction to strong attraction). However, I have had the experience of going from mild attraction to strong attraction, so if you are at least *somewhat* attracted to him then I think there's a better chance that attraction can grow.

But if you're keeping it at a friends level (i.e., no kissing or touching), I don't think a mild attraction will be able to grow stronger--I think you need to see him in a romantic role in order to feel more attracted. So it's sort of one of those catch22 situations if you're keeping him at arms length and waiting for attraction to grow.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 11-29-2006 - 6:54pm
I have had more than one guy grow on me. The more time you spend with someone, the more you get to know them and you can love them for their inner qualities instead of their outer qualities. Good luck! Iri