Does He Care Or Did I Do Something Rong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2006
Does He Care Or Did I Do Something Rong?
2
Sun, 07-02-2006 - 11:31pm

Hello,

I need some good solid male/female insight on my situation(Sorry so long).

My bf and I(im 20,he's 21) have been together since Feb. and have been friends since Aug 2001. We are an exclusive relationship, so i dont think cheating or anything else is an issue. But there is an issue that im unhappy about.

He has told me plenty of times that he cares about me, respects me, and so on, but its like now we together he doesnt show that he cares about me as much. I care about him SO much that it hurts and he knows i do, its just i dont feel that he cares as much back. Before we started going out he would always talk to me and ask me how i was doing like he was concerned with me b/c he cared about me. And now we going out and he hardly ever talks to me, that makes me wonder if he even cares about me at all now. I've told him how i felt about how things were going before and he said that he sorry and didnt know i felt that way and that he would try to change his ways. How frickin long should i wait till i start to see some changes??? cuz i havent seen much. I am irate at him, but what makes it even worse is that we were suppose to go out last night and he never even showed up. He was suppose to be at my house @ 9(he picked that time) and when it reached 9:30 i called him and asked him if he's still coming, he said "i'll be there in 10 minutes. i promise." well if i was a dumb ass person i would still be waiting by now. What hurt even more is if he knew he wasnt gonna come, he shouldve just told me instead of lying to me. That makes me feel like i cant even trust him. So i was calling and texting him all night and even this morning about what happened for him not coming and he never even answered his phone or answer his text messages. I find that extremely rude to act that way to a person you supposedly "care" about, like he's ignoring me or something; which i think he is b/c he thinks im mad(which i am, obviously).

Its like im giving all of myself to someone who isnt giving me all of them when they said they would. Whenever he needs me; im there for him. If there's something he wants, maybe depending on what it is; ill get for it him. He use to do the same in the beginning, but he just changed now. I know he cares for me alot even without him telling me, but it is wrong for me to wanna hear it sometimes?? I mean i dont want to be one of those nagging ass girlfriends that wanna be with there man 24 hours 7 days a week and HAVE to hear from them every single day, but i would at least like to hear from him every once in a while. He does work and take care of his 3 yr old son, but i mean is it so hard to see if your gf is alive and breathing to show her that your at least thinking of her? concerned about her?

When im over by his house i can see how much he wants to be with me and cares about me, but then when we not together he acts as if i dont exist b/c he doesnt talk to me. He does make me happy,when he's not acting like an ass b/c he makes me forget all my problems and he's told me himself that i make him happy since im not like any of his previous gf's. I have asked him if he wants to be with me and if he doesnt he just need to tell me now instead of pulling me along. He said to me "why would you think that? you know i wanna be with you b/c i care about you. if i didnt i wouldve told you a long time ago. i aint f*cking no other chicks,but you. you is who i wanna be with, no one else." so i told him " if thats the case, then why dont you talk to me like you use to?" his response "I've been busy working. you dont expect me to be sitting on my ass doing nothing talking to you all day, do you? cuz you know i be in the studio and out on the streets working to get this money." I told him "that i dont expect for you to be doing nothing all day, but at least talk to me to show me that you still care about me or you miss me. Why dont you tell me you miss me or is thinking about me anymore?" His response "why you dont ask me?"(which is a lie, b/c i do ask him sometimes in a text and he doesnt answer,but when i ask over the phone he tells me he does).

I just dont know what to do anymore b/c i do wanna be with him since i care about him so much and can even say that i love him. I know some of you might say i need to move on and dont mess with him anymore, but its not exactly that simple. I know the chemistry is there between us(physically, mentally & emotionally), but his just isnt as strong as mine of showing it on the mental and emotional side. I just wanna know how i can improve our relationship to be more on solid ground rather than a rocky boat. Do you think he still cares about me as much? or even at all? Did I even do something wrong? Is this relationship just bound to be doomed or can it be restored to actually last with the right amount of communication on both of our parts? I just really need some good advice.

Nicole

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 2:12am
There are guys who find it difficult to express their feelings, but your BF doen't fit this category. IMHO, your BF is taking you for granted. He's going over the limits of respect toward your persona, your time and the relationship. He needs a reality check in my opinion. He needs to know that you deserve as much respect as the respect that you give him and that his rude behavior won't be tolerated anymore. If he doesn't step up to the plate he's history sweetie. Apparently, he's not stepping up so you have to make a desicion: stay and allow more of the same OR move on to a respectful guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2006
Mon, 07-03-2006 - 5:22pm

Thank you for your post and i do think your right. He does need to show me more respect and i told him that today. he said he will, but ill wait to see it from him. He seemed to have stepped up to the plate today with how he was acting towards me about how was feeling and how i felt. Thank you again for posting.

Nicole