DOES HE CARE OR REALLY CARE????

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
DOES HE CARE OR REALLY CARE????
2
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 2:45pm
he doesen't care enough to even get me a birth day card, saying he is really trying to get his life together, and all I do is cry, and can not function even properly.

It's like we're really in limbo. He says he loves me, But I'm really sad most of the time, depressed, and my friends notice me. This can't go on for much longer, we've been separated, he says we don't have enough money to get our own place, he's been diagnoed with deep depression. Help!

lindasafley@hotmail.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 2:56pm
Hi. As someone who struggled my entire life with severe depression I can tell you this: unless he is willing to be in therapy and see a psychiatrist for medication you will probably be fighting an uphill battle. If he is not in a healthy place, emotionally and mentally, he can not give to you what you need in a HEALTHY relationship. While it is so hard to walk away (and took me YEARS to learn how to do it)you need to put yourself first. I find it never hurts to make a list of pros and cons. Often times the cons end up outweighing the pros. Also, have you thought about going to talk to someone (therapy)? Saved me...you CANNOT take on another person's depression! You cannot save them and you DEFINITELY cannot convince them to do anything they are not ready for! It doesn't sound to me that he even has the capacity to care for you the way you want and deserve him to. I think that deep inside you know what to do - make sure you are surrounded by positive supportive friends and family. We often have the tools within ourselves to become stronger (the ability to walk away etc.) sometimes we just need to be shown how to use them. Hope that helps.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2003
Wed, 08-18-2004 - 6:00pm
WELL, HERE IT IS AUGUST AND, WE ARE STILL TOGETHER, HE'S HOMELESS, AND STAYS IN THIS PLACE, AND I SEE HIM WHEN HE COMES TO SEE ME. WE WERE CAMPING OUT IN A TENT AT THE PARK, 2 BLOCKS FROM WHERE I LIVE, BUT THAT WAS TEMPORARY. AND I TOLD HIM WE HAVE TO HAVE A PLACE TOGETHER. BUT HE DOSEN'T SEEM TO BE READY FOR THAT, BUT HE STILL SAYS HE LOVES ME.

WE'RE IN SUCH A MIX. HE IS STILL NOT DOING THE RIGHT THING, HE IS STILL DRINKING FOR DEPRESSION, NOT IN THE PROGRAM, OR ANY PROGRAM, HE SAYS THEY ARE ALL THE SAME. SO HE SELF-MEDICATES HIMSELF, AND WE KNOW THIS IS A NO-WIN SITUATION. I FIND IT DIFFICULT TO TRY AND HELP. AND WE STILL LOVE EACH OTHER. MY LIVING SITUATION IS NOT TOO GOOD EITHER. OH WELL!