does he have SOME feelings?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
does he have SOME feelings?
3
Mon, 09-12-2005 - 10:23pm
im gonna make this as simple as possible.
my name is michelle. me and him are both 21. weve been close friends for 3 months... i thought he liked me.....but he dosnt apparantly? heres the story: he compliments my looks, my hair, my body, my choice in clothing, and how im better than his exes cuz i do so much for him. when people arent around, hell be like "i notice u get mad at me when i do this, or i notice u make this face" or hell be like "have u noticed i dont argue with u as much anymore?" hes like always observing my actions..and then a several days later hell be like "yeah i noticed u werent really talkative that day or u were ignoring me or w/e". his body language is this: when hes sitting, his body will be facing me. one of his friends was gonna sit with us and he didnt, so he said its cuz he was scared of me and my friend. and my friend goes "he doesnt know our name" and he goes "he knows michelle's name" im like "how ive never met him" hes like "um ur the girl with the crumbs on her lips" im like, hes never seen me eat!? (does that mean he was talking about me to him)....we get into fights, like couples would, about couple-related things, such as about his feelings for me...then i tell him how i hate causing drama in his life and i tell him ill be out of his life completely. so he gets quiet and apologizes for fighting...one nite it was late and i stayed at his place, i had b4, in the summer, so it wasnt a big deal. hes like "this is gonna be interesting, seeing u wear my pjs" and i did and he smiles really big and said "u look good" and i asked him where i was sleepin he said on my bed..i thought hed sleep on the couch but he slept next to me.. middle of the nite he curls up against me...then we held hands...and then we played footsies....and then he was touching my chest... so ikissed him.. he said "we cant do this" (we cant, rather than i dont want to) ...so then we held each other.. and then started making out...then we had "dry sex..." ..when we were done, we held each other and fell asleep...hes a virgin...im not....he said it was a turn on when he found out i wasnt, like 2 months ago.....his last gf messed around with some guy...he said he finally stoped hurting from that 3-4 months ago...hes REALLY insecure....he doesnt trust anyone... his close friends tell me that "he cannot stand on his own two feet and act on what he belives in" meaning, if he believes in something, he wont act on it, such as his feelings...his old roommate told me "he does see me in that way, but hed never do nething about it..."..when he was drunk he asked me how close we were..i said pretty close, he said we woulda been closer..etc...he asked me if i missed him i said yeah, he said he missed me everyday too.. i asked him about it when he was sober he said "i was drunk, i dint know what i was saying" when just 2 months ago he said "ppl say the truth when theyre drunk" a little after he said hed neva let me see him drunk... so i asked him , plenty of times if he liked me...he said "idk why i DONT like u, but i dont.." hes like i should like you...but i dont know why i dont. then he makes up reasons why...STUPid reasons which i wont even mention. he has no real reason.... none of which are legit. i asked him why he todl me to sleep next to him he said "cuz he dint want me sleeping on the couch and he didnt want to, and there was no blanket" im like "thats why u asked me if in eeded another blanket?"..i asked him if the kiss meant nething, he said "no.." i asked him again about it hes like "i know that was bothering you" he apologized a lot for doing that.. he doesnt randomly make out with girls, he never has, cept once when he was drunk..and he drinks like 3 times a year.... once we got into a fight, and we were fighting about something totally different and outta nowhere he was talkin bout one of our friends whom i was close with and listen to and stuff hes like "hes the reason were prolly not together, we should be, but hes prolly the reason were not" (b/c that guy always teases him about me, and he cannot stand that. he cant stand wat ppl think of him) like he said it outta nowhere. hes like two things i cant stand is the guys making fun of me, and then u being hurt... i asked him about it and he said "idk why i said that"....yeah so..heres a guy with major insecurities, and trust issues.. he says "i dont know why it hurts me to see u cry, " i ignored him for one day...he called me 5 times, and he told my friend its affecting his skoolwork cuz im ignoring him" he told me "jesus christ michelle u cant act this way with me, i dont feel good when ur mad at me"...anyway, what do u think... is he confused? or is it one of those cases where the guy doesnt want a relationship so he refuses to tell his feelings no matter what because then id prolly ask for a relatoinship? hes not the "get ass" kind. hes so not like that...all his friends say hes a nice guy, and he really is..he does care if im upset...i mean yes sometimes he can be a little selfish but, its not something serious....hell pay for me when we go out, we went out to a movie in the summer and to dinner, and other random lunches...ill pay at times too but hell offer to pay and stuff...he has to have SOME feelings rite? hed always tell me, no girl has been this good to him, and the only other person who cares about him this much is his mother...he says he doesnt talk to any of his exes anymore, and that he doenst wnana lose me as a friend in case something goes wrong....hes also very busy with skool and work and studying for entrance exams.. so idk...thanks for ur help
-me
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Wed, 09-14-2005 - 12:16pm
I am in the same situation. I know this guy for almost 7 mos. We are exremely close. We have hooked up but not recently ( about two mos. ago was the last time.) We know everything about eachother. Friends of his that I have never met before already know me. I have definately fallen in love with him but I am to afraid to tell him. He notices everything I do. He doesn't compliment my looks just my personality he gets a little annoyed if I wear a revealing shirt when we go out, he hates the guys that I am interested in because he thinks no one is good enough, is there for me no matter what. When we hang out it's always kind of me and him like "attached" he sits next to me he walks with me. I know he's been through alot in the past two years and is very afraid of a relationship. He told me in the begining that we would never be boyfriend and girlfriend, but over the past month I have noticed such a big change in him. He calls me all the time jsut to say hi, we have hung out everyday for the past three weeks, because he;s been asking to, in the begining it would be we hung out whenever and it wasn't very often at all. So now with this change I don't know what to do.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Thu, 09-15-2005 - 7:30pm

sweetmich,


Hi and welcome.


Tell me something... does it matter if he has some feelings for you if the relationship is not moving in a direction you'd like? I'm sure he feels something since you guys hang out and enjoy each others' company. But what is it you want? Do you want a relationship? If so, you may have to wait a long time for this one...


What is your instinct and your gut telling you?


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 09-16-2005 - 3:13pm

hey, thanks for replying...

im beginning to not care... but my gut tells me he has feelings for me, and he wont admit it them bc then id want a relationship, and he doesnt have time for that now. he doesnt even have time for his own guy friends..also cuz he doesnt want everyone teasing him, cuz peope bother him about it, and i understand it would annoy the hell out of a guy..esp when hes tryin to concentrate on school..evertime he intros me to a girl friend of him, i see his behavior with her, verses me...the closest came to me was a girl whom im friends with now...i was skeptical, but then shes one of my friend's ex gf, and now he knows her ex bf too so......and shes a different religion, and religion is really important to all three of us that we wouldnt be with someone whose a diff religion than us....either way, yeah hes nice to her, yet its still different with me.. me and him fight a lot.. well weve had 2 fights..we didnt fight when we first met, it was since i got back from vacation, weve gotten closer... we argue other times...and if hes upset at something, or if me and his other chick friend annoys him, he tends to take it out on me.. not angrily.. like last nite he got annoyed of both of us.. but he calls me to tell me "i dont think we should study together anymore" like....i dont get it...we both annoyed him? i told him she was making fun of u too, he said "thats different" and he said i called to see if u got back okay, and to see if u were upset/sad....he said he doesnt like being annoyed while hes studying....any other time its okay....i told him i was tryin to study, i told u well go look up the solutoins and work backwards cuz he couldnt figure out the problem...hes like u kept taking naps. im like i rested my head once for 2 minutes....and then i said i tried to cheer u up cuz u seemed upset hes like 'oh so ud only cheer me up if i was mad at u? im like no... jeez ....he said he undesrtood and i apologized.....and then i couldnt sleep, and iwas up till 5 am...and he comes online aroudn 430 am...and hes like i dont wanna gointo deep sleep cuz then i cant get up... im like um okay? hes like y cant u sleep....i dint tell him the real reason i just said i couldnt.....so we talked.....everything was cool....and then i was like "see if u only looked at the solutions like i told u to, u woulda been done earlier" hes like "dont start with me" im like "i wasnt trying to!" see what i mean ?? why do we seem like we argue...? im frustrated cuz i have feelings for him.... hes frustrted cuz i wanna keep my distance and he cant stand that... he says we need space so igive him space and he gets upset after a while..i mean even if we do argue, we end up naturally talking to each other lke normal.... what do i do!? please help me :( i dont get it, why do we seem frustrated w/ each other.....y do we get into fights..and make up, take breaks, yet still come back to each other in the end, just bc we cant be mad for that long...and when we do talk again, it feels great... idk what to do :(