Does he just want sex? Need perspective!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2007
Does he just want sex? Need perspective!
5
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 2:23pm

So here's a quick background: I met this guy in Las Vegas, and we had an absolute electric connection. We ended up combining our parties (he was with a bachelor party, I was with a bachelorette party), and the groups hung out. Turns out that this guy and I have an incredible amount in common: grew up within five miles of each other, we went to rival high schools, our fathers even worked for the same company at one point 20 years ago. After Vegas, he and I had even planned to go on a cruise with his family, until I freaked and backed out. I freaked because I didn't know him and didn't want to be introduced to his parents just yet.

Long story short, I haven't seen him since our time Vegas (3 months ago!). We have kept in touch off and on since then. He didn't call me after the cruise for about a month, so I figured he and I were done, then about a month and a half ago, speak quite often, like five times a week. Well, he's coming to town to see me (and his family, friends) next weekend. I'll be picking him up at the airport and he will be staying with me. He lives about 1,000 miles away, but I live in the same area as his parents and many of his friends.

My question is: I am not sure if he's only keeping in touch with me to sleep with me and have someone "on the side" when he's in town to visit his friends and family? Or is he actually, genuinely interested? He mentioned on the phone that he wants to move here, but hasn't yet started looking for a job. Why would he want to continue this LDR if it's not just for the sex??? Should I sleep with him when he visits? I'm so confused, and could greatly benefit from some perspective on this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 3:45pm

Have you had a conversation in regards to expectations when he is here? If you seriously want to know if he is only after sex then I suggest NOT sleeping with him while he is here. You are NOT obligated to do so and it will be very telling of what he is looking for.

Enjoy yourself with him and relax....let him know that you don't sleep with someone that quickly and see what he does.

Good Luck and Have fun.

Kiki

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2007
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 4:10pm

Wow, I totally left out the most important part to my whole dilemma: we slept together in Vegas. It was awesome. The best I've ever had actually. That really throws a wrench in there doesn't it?!?

I just don't want him to think that I'm using sex to manipulate him, or this situation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 11:16pm

"My question is: I am not sure if he's only keeping in touch with me to sleep with me and have someone "on the side" when he's in town to visit his friends and family?" - possibly.

"Or is he actually, genuinely interested?" --- possibly.

"He mentioned on the phone that he wants to move here, but hasn't yet started looking for a job." --- I wouldn't bank on it. But if his family and friends are near you, then maybe it is a thought.

"Why would he want to continue this LDR if it's not just for the sex???" --- only he knows.

"Should I sleep with him when he visits?" --- that all depends on what you are looking for right now combined with what you feel about him. If you are looking for a serious relationship from him right now, you might be disappointed. If you are looking for an interesting time with him, while he is visiting, then go for it. You never know....stranger things have been known to gel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 11:20pm

I posted below before I read this reply of yours. Okay, if the sex was good, then definitely get together with him when he visits.

"I just don't want him to think that I'm using sex to manipulate him, or this situation." --- How would you be using sex to manipulate him or the situation? Based on what you posted, I don't think he would perceive it that way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 05-11-2007 - 3:09pm
Things are obviously up in the air and I'd say at this point it's casual ... don't sleep with him unless you want to and you can have a casual conversation about where he and you feel this might or might now lead
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