Does he know what I want really?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2005
Does he know what I want really?
12
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 6:53pm

My bf and I been so intimate for more than a year now. He set me to his schedule and to his daughter that until now I haven't met and his parents doesn't know me . His bestfriend in highschool knew me,and some of his friends. He is not shy or hiding me around going to parties, malls or going around. He told me that his daughter knows me and already see me in picture but we haven't meet. I wan't to settle down. A single like me who is 36 is really cannot wait to have a family of my own. I work on hard on this to work the relationship, we're happy going out but I want more than that like a family. He told me that he is serious with me and it will takes time that soon I will meet her daughter..that promise was since January and now is March. I don't know until when I should wait or I don't know what is the right to tell him that will convince him to decide when I already told him that we need to move to a certain level...I was so open with him,to my friends and from my family..I'm so proud of him. Help me on what should I do.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
Sun, 03-11-2007 - 9:38pm

There are soo many parents that introduce their kids to significant others too quick in my opinion. Children are incredibly sensitive and need stability in their lives. Coming from a seperated home is tough enough, much less meeting all the girlfriends. He's protecting his baby, so cut him some slack. Instead, realize that this is a wonderful trait. My guess is you're curious as to where the relationship is going and ready to move to the next step. He MAY not be ready so don't push the issue. Everybody moves at a different pace and accepting that makes you the best girlfriend ever. It doesn't mean that he doesn't love you, just means he's different than you, which is probably why you love him most!

Be patient and don't worry...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 8:33am

What he is saying and what he is doing are two different things. My guess is your man likes very much the way things are and he is not interested in having you meet his parents and daughter.

I'd suggest a frank discussion and telling him that "maybe next month" isn't working for you anymore. Tell him he needs to be very honest with you and if marriage and family are not in his plans in the near future he MUST tell you. You may not like what you hear but it will give you the opportunity to move on.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2005
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 10:20pm
He said he wanted to marry someday and he wanted to have kids and he is serious with me but he never said when. He always said soon,soon,soon I'm gonna meet his daughter but it never happen. We had arguments recently on the phone and ignore everything he said and I told him that I'm just doing what he does. Telling him to put himself on my position, hiding me to his parents and his child for a more that a year now, accept that he have a child and I'm purely single and ask him what will he feel.. and he didn't say anything at all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2005
Mon, 03-12-2007 - 10:45pm
He said that his parents is so strict and they are been very dissapointed about to what happened to his separation. His ex-gf got pregnant by other man. Now he's telling me that he doesn't want to get hurt again. To think that I got hurt from my past relatioship too which I open up with him. He told me that his daughter knows me already and see my picture and the reaction is "jealousy" and his daughter is in a stage of growing up as 11 yr old girl and it seems for him that his daughter is not ready to meet me. All I want is for him to be open if he is serious with this and let me feel secure and feel the relationship is growing stage by stage. Now that he is 40 and I'm 35 purely single longing to get married and have a healthy family someday. I want to have kids too. Hoping I won't feel stranger at all or a mistress when it should not be. Thinking,how he gonna treat me situation like this if by chance we are there already having a family when I feel right now I don't feel welcome at all. Am I gonna be happy? or it's wrong to stay longer,thinking a colorful promises will come true?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 9:17am

Myself, I feel after one year of dating you should pretty much know where you stand. He's saying one thing and doing another. This man is not giving you answers that you want. Frankly, I don't put much weight in the "I've been burned in the past" routine. I'm also not completely convinced his daughter doesn't want to meet you, and besides, why would anyone let an 11 year old control their actions?

Think hard about wasting any more of you valuable time with this one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2005
Tue, 03-13-2007 - 11:56pm
I'm mad and heartbroken. He still trying to get in touch but not convincing the way I wanted to hear. No explanation yet to my actions and questions as well. I'm between of letting go or hoping there's still chances for him to work this relationship. I'm for sure he know's what I want and that's all I'm waiting for but maybe it needs more motivation??? I don't know.. it's hard. Do you think he will realize now that I'm gone?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 8:12am

Do you really want to be with a person who realizes your importance when you're gone? Wouldn't you rather be with someone who knows how valuable you are while they are with you???


This relationship isn't working for you. It isn't about him, it's about you. Do you truly want to have to manipulate people to get what you want? What will work for you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Wed, 03-14-2007 - 8:33am

"Do you think he will realize now that I'm gone?"

Probably not, he's happy with the way things are and is not interested in changing. I would write him an email and tell him that since he is unable to introduce you to his daughter and parents, and unable to set a timeline for a greater committment, then you are going to be moving on with your life. Wish him luck in the future. This way he knows that you are making the decision to take control of things. If he is going to change his tune this will give him the opportunity to do so.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2005
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 11:27pm
Hi, I got so many same answers and really help me a lot. Some ideas that I need to do in my life. We broke up for just a few days and he just got back,giving him the chance. Since I'm planning to go for a trip without him by my side, been a long time plan. Now, he promise before I go that he'll introduce me to his child and he'll not be here right now in front of me if he is afraid of commitment.I'm no longer gonna wait for what he said,though it really made me happy to hear those words from him. I'll keep my eyes open for some opportunity and make reservations for myself. If that another step meeting his child will come true..it means ..this is real. Not only a words from mouth but it comes from the heart. Thank you and this chat room ivillage.com really a great help for me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2005
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 11:28pm
Hi, I got so many same answers and really help me a lot. Some ideas that I need to do in my life. We broke up for just a few days and he just got back,giving him the chance. Since I'm planning to go for a trip without him by my side, been a long time plan. Now, he promise before I go that he'll introduce me to his child and he'll not be here right now in front of me if he is afraid of commitment.I'm no longer gonna wait for what he said,though it really made me happy to hear those words from him. I'll keep my eyes open for some opportunity and make reservations for myself. If that another step meeting his child will come true..it means ..this is real. Not only a words from mouth but it comes from the heart. Thank you and this chat room ivillage.com really a great help for me.

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